PAASampson

Goofing off

2012-02-21T08:53:00.003-08:00

This is what our Sunday morning looked like. And our Monday morning too. They decided they were performers and have been giving us shows this week.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt like blogging much lately, but I did want to get the Christmas pictures up. Its only a month later. That's not bad, right?

The kids with the nativity calendar. They were too excited to get on the road to Grandma's house to look at the camera.

Their cousin Eden. Such a cute reindeer. She was a gingerbread girl earlier, but somehow I missed getting a picture.

Porter Cracking everyone up before Christmas Eve dinner.

Gabe loves to play the piano. Thankfully his cousin was all to happy to let him plunk along.
Even taught him how to do a run, I think its called?

Getting ready for the Nativity.

Porter wasn't really into it at first, but he did great.

Gabe was very excited to see the baby Jesus.

He kept looking in the manger and then standing up and folding his arms. It was so cute.

The kids were just about done for the night, so it was hard to get anyone looking at the camera.

Gabe finally got to carry around the baby and he was in heaven. :)

New jammies and opening cards and gifts with Great Grandma Cole.

Christmas morning. Santa got them one big gift and a few puzzles. They have been playing with it ever since.

Gabe would touch something and hear its sound and not really have any visible reaction. Then he would touch it a second time and make this face. Hilarious!

Just before church. Having church made for a great Christmas spirit this year.

All set up at home and ready to play.

It was a great Christmas. It was so nice to be together with family and especially nice that Adam had the day after off, so he didn't have to rush back to work. We were able to really enjoy our holiday vacation this year.

Kids Say

2012-01-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

Porter - I love you to the Moon and back

Me - I love you to the Sun and back

Dad - I love you to Alpha Centauri and back

Porter - Whoa

I pick up Gabe and we start.

Gabe - I love you to the Moon and back

Me - I love you to the Sun and back

Gabe - (With a giggle and a grin) Noo you don't!

So much for that game... :)

Kids Say

2012-01-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

As I am getting Gabe ready for bed tonight, I take off his clothes and his diaper, and he starts laughing, saying "Naked Gabey, naked Gabey" and doing his little happy wiggle.

I reply, "All the better to tickle you!" and start tickling him.

Porter walks in and says "You are right Mommy. It is easier to tickle someone when they are naked. You are certainly correct."

Bahaha! I love my kids!

Mover and a Shaker

2011-12-16T06:51:00.000-08:00

We had an Dr appointment yesterday. Since I am not quite 13 weeks yet, and due to my recent history, they went ahead and did a full ultrasound to check the baby instead of just using the doppler. The boys loved it!

They were so excited to see the baby dancing around, frustrating the doctor because s/he wouldn't stop moving around long enough to get a good count of the heartbeat. He did finally get it, and it was beautiful and strong. This little one is doing really well and we couldn't be more grateful. After twelve weeks, where we are now, the danger of miscarriage goes way down, so we are counting our blessings.

Porter has decided it is a girl. As soon as he saw the baby on the screen, he started saying 'she' and 'her'. Funny, since to this point, he has been steadfast about wanting a brother. After seeing the baby yesterday, he keeps saying he is getting a sister. Gabe too. Hmmmmm. Wonder if they have the inside track on something? :)

Quote of the day - On our way to the appt yesterday, we passed the hospital, and I told the boys that was where Gabe was born. Porter's reply, "Did you 'pop me out' there too?" I have no idea where he heard that phrase, but it really cracked me up. If anybody else said that, I would think it a bit crass, but from him, it was just plain funny.

When we got home Porter was asking how the baby would come out. I should have known it was coming. He is at that stage where he has 3000 questions about every subject. I borrowed the answer from my friend Camille and just said Mommy's have a special place for babes to grow and come out. He was very sad that boys can't have babies in their tummies. He kept saying when he is a grown up, his is going to have a baby in his tummy, and he was upset when I said he wife would be the one to have the baby in her tummy. He didn't really understand even when I explained it, that the baby would still be his - just like he is daddy's, even if he didn't have it in his own tummy. Crazy kid. He has got to be one of very few males that would want the experience. :)

Especially this pregnancy. I wasn't throwing up with either of the boys. Nauseous a great deal of the time, but never throwing up. This time around, a day hasn't gone by that I am not sick. All it takes is walking down the stairs to have me heading for porcelain, which is a bit tough in my house since we live in a split level; unavoidable. My gag reflex is on a hair trigger, and oddly enough, dryheaving has become the most common occurrence. Sorry for TMI. I thought it was odd, so I looked it up, and apparently there are a lot of people out there who have that during pregnancy, rather than actual throwing up. Because of it, dryheaving and losing my meals, I have not had my voice for the last week. Crazy. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I have it back by Sunday because I am supposed to sing and I don't want to let people down if I can't hit the higher notes. And then I sing again in a couple weeks. Hopefully by then, I will be starting to feel better.

Really I can't complain too much though, as it has been very reassuring that things are going well. On the rare day that I don't feel sick, there is always this niggling thought in the back of my mind, what if something has gone wrong. It is a new thing. Adam and I talked about it recently - after we had gone through a couple miscarriages, it takes some of the joy out of pregnancy, because even when you have a healthy pregnancy, you can't help but worry that something will happen and you will lose this one too. I never had that worry with either of my boys. Not that there wasn't the same chance for something to go wrong, I just never gave it a thought. Now, I count being so sick as a blessing from God, to let me know that things are going well. I have also been much more sick in the afternoon/evenings than mornings, which has been a blessing, since I work mornings. I can drop the twins off at school and usually get my boys down for their naps before I hit the worst of feeling sick. And the occasional flutter in the last week have been the same for me. I know it is incredibly early to feel movement, but I feel like that has been God letting me know that this little one is happy and healthy. His gift to me to set my mind at ease. I have so much to be grateful for.

Finally

2011-12-13T10:29:00.001-08:00

The last year has been a rough one for us. We felt strongly that there was another child for our family, but each time we tried, we ended up losing the pregnancy early on. After four miscarriages in less than a year, we just weren't sure it was going to happen, and it was taking a toll on me physically and emotionally, and on our relationship as well. We decided to give it one more try and then be done with it. With the help of our doctor and a little progesterone, we are happy to finally say, we are expecting. :)

We bought these shirts a while back to use for our announcements, and it was sad putting them away when things didn't work out. But it was really fun pulling them out now and seeing that they still fit so we could use them. My boys are really excited and love to tell everyone that they are getting a baby. They still haven't wrapped their heads around the fact that the baby isn't coming any day now, but rather in the summer.

We are due at the end of June/beginning of July. I have been denying that the baby could possibly be born in July because my heat intolerant body just can't handle the thought. If I run true to form, I will be two weeks early and it will be mid June. That is my vote. :)

More Pics

2011-12-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

I got looking through pictures and just had to post my favorites from the last year. The kids have grown so much and we have had so many great moments caught in photos. Here are my favs of the kids.

The penguin hair - always a hit

These pictures remind me why we will never shave Porter's hair again.

Way too many cowlicks.

Found his own little seat to read.

Ta-da!

Trains with the cousins

Must have been something good on

Reading time is a favorite of both boys

Porter's birthday haul

Follow the M's!

Glimpse into the future - trying on Daddy's glasses

Gabe's birthday

Mom's gardening hat

I'm cool!

Family reunion

Summer fun

First day or preschool

Still loves 'Spongy Bob'

Brotherly love

Random Pictures

2011-12-13T08:33:00.000-08:00

In no particular order, here are some pictures from the last month.

Yesterday (on the day we were supposed to have pictures taken), Gabe fell on some ice on the driveway at a friend's house and got quite a lump on his head. It was a loud crack, and I worried about a concussion for bit, but he seemed fine within a few moments, and as you can see, it doesn't seem to bother him at all. Thankfully, I had taken some pictures at home a few days ago that we can use, so we just cancelled the photo appt.

Gabe finally fits into these jammies. He loves them! Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

We had some friends visiting the other day and everyone decided to try and fit into the shelves. I didn't think they could do it, but they were happy to prove me wrong.

As soon as it got cold, we got out all the winter gear and the boys have loved playing with the hats and scarves. Porter has this black hat that makes him look like a burglar and he put it on me and then proceeded to wrap me up in the scarf as well.

Al Quaida anyone?

One more reason not to have guns in the house

2011-11-12T09:37:00.000-08:00

If there was a title that could express me shaking my head in bewilderment at my son, that is what I would title this post, but I couldn't come up with something.

I left for book club on Tuesday and didn't get back until almost eleven. When I asked Adam how the boys had been, he said they had been a bit rowdy, hopping into each other's beds, but had finally settled down to sleep.

The next morning, I could hear Gabe talking and chatting and trying to get Porter to wake up. When I went in to get them up and ready Porter was still sleeping (I don't know how with how loud Gabe is), and I heard him say as he sat up, "The ball-shooter is stuck to my thumb, and it's never EVER coming off." I thought he was just talking in his sleep, not quite awake. Until he stood up and this was hanging off his hand.....

His whole hand was in the top and he had his thumb stuck through the ring that tops the spring mechanism inside. I asked him how long it had been stuck and he told me it had happened the night before. "But I still slept good, Mommy." he reassured me. I have no idea how he could have slept all night with that stuck on his thumb, but he slept deep enough that not even Gabe woke him up in the morning, so I guess he was right.

I pulled the spring out with his thumb in the ring and sure enough, it had been in long enough that his thumb had swollen just enough that there was no sliding it out, not with cold water or butter, etc. It wasn't budging.

So I went and got Adam up to try to cut it off, while I left to get the twins and bring them back to the house. By the time we got back, Adam had gotten it off and after an hour, Porter couldn't even remember which thumb had been stuck.

My crazy son. I'm just grateful it wasn't something smaller that would have been a bigger problem for his thumb. When I questioned him about what had happened he wasn't much help, but I think I know what happened.

Normally, we don't allow toys in the bed, other than a stuffed animal or doll. The day before, however, I had told Porter we would need to throw this toy away as it was broken; it had a crack that kept it from building pressure to push a ball out. I am pretty sure he hid it in the bed so I wouldn't throw it away. When that night he got playing with it and got his thumb stuck, he thought he would be in trouble for hiding it in his bed and so he kept quiet. Again, if there were a word to describe me shaking my head in bewilderment at my son......

Later that day, out of the blue, Porter says to me, " I don't think we have any other toys my thumb could get stuck in." Now, was he going down the list to reassure himself this disaster couldn't happen again, or seeing if there was a way he could try this adventure again? I YI YI!!

Randomness

2011-11-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

One day while Porter was at preschool, this is the game the boys played for what seemed like hours. They never got sick of it.

Halloween

2011-11-12T08:43:00.000-08:00

The boys had lots of fun with Halloween this year. They loved trying and retrying costumes. They ended up trick or treating in 4 different places; Adam's work, where they handed candy out by the handful, Main St, which was a bust with only dum-dum lolli's and most people ran out by 4pm when we went and a couple trunk or treats for our ward and stake. We got done by 6:30 and let them pick out a baggie of candy and then hand out everything else to trick or treaters that came to our house. It was the perfect thing. They got the candy they really wanted, and they had a blast handing everything else out to others. I didn't have to buy any candy at all. :) And we weren't left with piles of it in the house to tempt me.

I loved my little chicken. He bok bok-ed at everyone who asked for a trick.

It was so sweet and funny

Porter decided to be a wolf again. He got so hot that he had his costume

hanging off him almost from the start.

We used the Mr Pumpkin Head decorations this year.
I love them. No mess, and the boys love it.

First Field Trip

2011-10-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

Porter had his first field trip in Preschool recently. They learned all about firemen and firetrucks and then went to visit the fire station. I was able to go with them and take the twins and Gabe as well. They all had a great time. Porter's attention was held completely the whole time we were there. Everything fascinated him.

Learning about the medicines they keep on the trucks. Including the bone drill, which does just what you think. Ew!

When given the opportunity to go inside a fire engine, Porter jumped at the chance. He was first in line to see everything close up.

I waited until all the class had gone through and then was able to let Gabe have a chance.

You can see just how much he loved it. The fireman was even kind enough to give him a great experience. He strapped him in and let him have the headphones. Gabe was in heaven!

After that, they let everyone sit in the driver's seat to have a picture taken.

Next up was the fire pole. Porter was sure he was going to get to slide down it. He piped right up to ask if he could. The fireman demonstrated it instead. :) He had all the kids count how long it took him to get upstairs so they would see how much faster the pole is than taking the stairs.

Everyone waiting to count how long it takes to slide down the pole.

I don't know if it was originally part of the planned tour, but since Porter asked, the man was kind enough to let everyone get a picture on the pole. He held them up a few feet and let them slide down to the bottom. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised at how excited Gabe was at everything. He wasn't afraid at all and jumped right up to take his turn. As you can see, the fire man loved Gabe just as much as everyone does. He wraps people around his little finger. :)

Porter ended up getting two turns. He was first and then hopped back in line to go again when no one was looking. Little sneaker! Class picture at the end. I love this preschool!

Quickchange

2011-10-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Over the last couple years, we have gathered quite a few Halloween costumes from the Divvy Up. We got them out so the boys could decide what they wanted and they couldn't get them on fast enough... or off... or on again. I think everyone tried on everything at least twice.

Porter was too quick for me to get many pictures,

but Gabe stood still for a few seconds for me to get a couple.

The winner winner chicken dinner :)

Cutest chicken ever!

Camping

2011-10-11T07:44:00.001-07:00

Its been a few weeks since we went backyard camping, but I am finally sitting down to get the pictures posted. Here you go.

Setting up the tent.

Porter's hand when he discovered the outlet hole.

Figuring out the flashlight

Its not camping unless you have your trusty toilet paper binoculars

oh, and your 'so big I can't stand it' ring :)

Roasting hot dogs over the 'fire'

Excited for bedtime stories

Gabe loved bedtime stories, but he saw a fly in the tent (he has had a horrendous fear of flies for some reason) and he fell apart in fear as soon as we turned off the flashlight. He was sure that fly was going to get him. So, he and I went inside for the night. We had decided to camp in the back yard because it was maybe supposed to rain and I wasn't sure about how the boys would do.

Turns out it was a good thing for Gabe... and it did end up raining just about the whole night. I was surprised to find in the morning that Porter had slept soundly all through the night and loved camping. I think Adam would have happily come back inside if Porter hadn't been sleeping. Besides the rain, we had teenage neighbors that were up all night keeping him awake. Maybe next time we will make it to the quiet woods with no rain. By then hopefully Gabe will be past his fear of bugs.

Bling

2011-09-15T15:17:00.000-07:00

At Porter's preschool they have a behavior system that really works for Porter. The kids earn gems for a little jar every time they do something nice or listen really well to instructions. Once they earn ten of them, they can trade them in for a prize. It only took losing one for him to really get on board with earning them instead. Today he got his ten and got to trade it in for a prize. When I walked in to pick him up, he was doing his show and tell; a doll that plays a lullaby. As I am watching, my gaze can't help but be drawn to the bling he is sporting on his finger. A huge green gem ring that is, in his own words (and with a big grin), "so big I just can't stand it". He hasn't taken it off his finger for anything. He just came up to me a little while ago to tell me, "When I am big like you, this is going to be my wedding ring." Hopefully his wife doesn't mind him having a ring much MUCH bigger than hers. :)

Love my little growing up man.

P.S. and after telling my kids a joke the other day, the picture he brought home of his family today included a new sibling named 'Chubby', right beside his 'Awesome, Cool, Magic' Dad.

Kissing Boo Boos

2011-09-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

Gabe is at the age that he needs a kiss for every boo boo. Most of the time a kiss is all it takes to have him happy and heading back to play again. Today, I heard a bump and a cry from the playroom and Gabe runs out crying to me. I asked him what was wrong and through is tears he said he fell and hit his bum.....

"Kiss my butt, Mommy." I tell him I won't kiss his bum, but I would kiss him on his cheek (face). "No, Mommy. Have to kiss my butt." I kissed him on his cheek as he started wiggling and giggling that I can't kiss his cheek and then ran off to play. I guess it doesn't take a kiss on the exact boo boo for it to work. lol :)

Camping preview

2011-09-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

Last night Adam asked me if I would like to go camping Friday night. We aren't doing gardener's market on Saturday, so we could take our time coming back and enjoy a night in the mountains before it gets too cold.

My response was, "Sure, only you know we won't get any sleep. Gabe will keep us up all night asking, D'you hear that?" He laughed as he realized how right I was.

This morning Gabe woke up before any one else, so Adam got him and brought him to our bed. He used to snuggle in and go back to sleep when we did that.......not anymore.

Porter wake, Daddy?....

I hear sounds....

D'you hear that, Daddy?....

Its dark in here.....

Time wake up......

I hear Porter...

Finally, I chime in. - Yes, you hear Porter on the monitor, he is just rolling over and still asleep. Shush.

Okay........

I hear something......

And it went on like that.

After Adam got up, Gabe stayed with me. He snuggled right up to me and then let one rip.

Hehehe, I tooted Mommy.....

No poops came, just toots......

Tooting....hehehe

Gee, thanks Gabe

Again!

2011-09-04T15:49:00.000-07:00

I hear this phrase all the time lately. Earlier I was telling the kids the 'chubby' motorcycle story. Then Daddy told it. All he heard for several minutes was, "Do it again, Daddy!" It was hilarious to see the boys try to mush their faces as they giggled. Yes, I know it isn't the most politically correct of joke/stories, but since I'm chubby, its cosher, right? :)

Anyway, after exhausting his face, Adam decided to try a distraction....but still ended up with the same result. This has already been going on for a few minutes by the time I got the camera out.

The Movie

2011-09-01T07:39:00.001-07:00

I went to see The Help last night. Our book club was going to go last week and one by one things came up for just about everyone and people couldn't go. I still really wanted to see it, and I don't mind going to a movie on my own, so last night I asked Adam to watch the kids while I went. Almost there, I realized that I had grabbed my purse, but not my wallet. So back home I went to grab my wallet and head back to the theatre. I almost didn't go because I hate getting there late and trying to find a seat in the dark, but I am so glad I did.

I loved the movie just as much as the book. And I was kind of glad to be sitting on my own so I could freely cry and not worry about who was looking. One thing that was different for me with the movie was the relationship between Aibileen and Mae Mobly. It was much more touching to me in the movie, more moving. Every time she would interact with that little girl I would tear up. It brought back memories of all the children I have taken care of. In the last 13 years I have helped, in part, to raise 14 children.

I don't really know how to put into words the connection between a child and a nanny. I tried when I first started to keep a bit of distance with the children. Knowing I would be leaving in just a year made it a little easier not to get quite so connected, but no matter what, those children just snuggled their way right into my heart. Even my shortest job, about nine months, I was torn up when I left. Those girls were my first, and I will never forget them. I wonder if they remember me at all.

They had never really known family, as they were raised for the most part in an orphanage in Lithuania. The oldest girl, who was seven when I first met her, had been in and out of the orphanage; her mother would come get her occasionally and take her home until she ran out of money and then bring her back. The youngest, three years old when I met her, had only known the orphanage. Even at three, she had already learned to sew and those two girls would sit in their playroom and hand sew doll clothes for their barbies. They were so lost and so sweet and there was no way I could not love them. It broke my heart to leave them. How do you explain to children that are so young that it will be better for them if you are gone. They had started calling me Momma on occasion on accident and even though I would correct them, the mother was not happy about it. She had waited so long to have children, and I am sure it was terribly hard to see them bonding so much with me. But with no firm grasp of family to begin with, a nanny just confused them even more. After so many people had left them, I had to be one more who loved them and then hurt them. I wonder if they ever forgave me for that. They are 16 and 20 now and I wouldn't even know them if I saw them on the street... or they me. So sad.

I have noticed that the better foundation the children have with their parents, the more involved the parents are (no matter how many hours they work), the more I am regarded as a babysitter, and that's in a good way. If the relationship is rocky because the parents aren't totally plugged in or if there are problems at home, the more I am regarded as a surrogate parent by the children, and not just the nanny. Those goodbyes are the hardest. I had one other family that was like that. The parents loved their children, but had so many struggles with each other and within themselves, that the children got a little lost in the shuffle. I was a live-in then and had been there for almost 4 years. I had moved with them twice and been there since before the baby boy could crawl. In the last year I was there, the mother had health problems and was struggling with pain meds. They were also struggling to connect to each other, and in-laws who were living with them weren't making things any easier. By the last several weeks that I was there, the children were coming down to my room at night to ask me to tuck them in because their parents had forgotten about them; their mother was nonfunctioning and/or dad working late. It broke my heart to see it. I had already set a time to leave as things had just gotten so untenable in the house. And then one day things exploded. Mother raging and I cut my notice short. The father came to me later and apologized for her, but it wasn't needed. I knew she was drowning in her struggle with so many things, drugs especially, but there wasn't anything more I could do.

I took the oldest girl out to the movies my last day and tried to explain that it wasn't her fault. (The rage had been over a discipline decision I had made with her) At 11 she still thought somehow she was responsible. I know in my heart that me staying would not have helped them or myself, but I always wonder what happened after that. I know there had to have been a lot of venomous things said about me after I left and I wonder how much of their memories of the almost 4 years I lived with them as a pseudo family member were tainted by just those last few days.

I really connected with the Constantine character in the movie for that reason. As that kind of help, you are part of the family, but not. You live there, you are with the family day in, day out, but always separate. It only takes one moment for you to lose everything. After I left that day, I promised myself that I would never be a live-in again. It was too hard to love them so much only to lose them, especially in that way. Those few days have haunted me. My youngest son is named after the little 3 year old boy I cared for there. He would be about 12. I wonder if he has any memories of me at all now. He was too young when I left to remember much, if anything. The family has since split and gone separate ways. I hope he, and all of the children I have loved, remember -they are kind, they are smart, they are important. I hope I left some lasting memories of how much they were loved, even if they don't have a face to attach to the memory.

When Aibileen left Mae Mobly in the movie and she ran to the window crying for her nanny, I broke down. All the memories of leaving came rushing back in, especially those two really hard occasions when the leaving was under difficult circumstances, and my heart broke for Aibileen, and for Mae Mobly. Both losing someone they loved so much, probably never to see each other again. Mae Mobly to grow older and forget, Aibileen to hold the memory close to her heart for the rest of her life.

Goodbyes are a part of life and inevitable, but they don't seem to get any easier as I get older. I have never gotten used to them. Especially with the children I tend. I have stayed longer with each successive family and gotten more and more attached to them. This will be my fifth year with the boys I currently nanny and I can't imagine the goodbye next summer. I know this family I will remain in contact with, since I am not moving away as I have done before to the next job, but it will never be the same, we won't be as close. It is bittersweet to watch them outgrow their need for me as they get more and more independent and move into school. I love it and hate it at the same time. As many parents have felt recently for their children as they go off to school for the first time. Ironically I didn't feel that angst sending my own preschooler off on his first day. I have him forever; a few hours at school is no big deal. But my sweet twins, my boys, won't be there forever. School is the beginning of the end for us. I am already have withdrawals and it is only the beginning of the year, but we'll make this last year count, and it is the way of things. Children grow up and I haven't done my job right if they don't outgrow the need for me.

Brotherly Love

2011-08-31T16:21:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has known my boys for long, knows they give the best hugs. They will randomly walk up to several family members and friends, give them a hug and tell the person they love them. At church on Sunday, I told Gabe to give his Uncle Mike a hug goodbye. He turned to the person next to him, not Uncle Mike (in fact a total stranger) and gave him a hug. When he looked up and saw it wasn't his uncle he was a little confused for a moment, paused, and then gave him another hug with a big smile.

This afternoon Gabe ran up to Porter to give him a hug. Porter hugged him back and they had a two minute conversation/hug saying, I love you, I love you too, I love you, I love you too. It was too cute not to get a picture. For all the hard days, (like yesterday), there are moments like this that eclipse any else. My precious boys.

Precocious

2011-08-31T12:12:00.000-07:00

Lately Gabe has been talking nonstop. He is using more and more words and coming up with new sentences rather than repeating a phrase he has heard. He says so many things that crack me up. Here are just a couple.

When we were in SLC last weekend, Gabe wanted his uncle Mike to toss him in the air.
Mike: say One, Two, Three..
Gabe: Four, Five, Six... with a big grin.
Mike: No, say One Two Three.
Gabe: Four, Five Six... still with the big grin. Who can resist it? He got tossed plenty. :) I tried it with him today and when I said say 'one, two, three', he replied 'Four, Six, Nine'. Guess he doesn't know his numbers quite as well as we thought. :)

On the way down to SLC, we wanted the boys to take a nap. I told Gabe he could have the rest of his drink after he took a nap. He immediately put his head down and closed his eyes. About five seconds later his opened his eyes with a big grin and said, 'I awake. Drink!' I said, 'No, you have to sleep'. To which he again said, 'I awake Mommy. Drink'. This was repeat a couple more times, and both of us were getting slightly frustrated, until I decided to change things up. 'You can have your drink after we get to Grandma's house. 'Okay'. And he was fine with that. Silly boy.

Busy week

2011-08-29T12:27:00.001-07:00

Last week was back to school week for the kids and back to work for me. The summer has been wonderful, but it will be nice to have a schedule again. Porter was really excited for his first day of preschool. I got the camera out and Gabe insisted on being in the picture too, only then he wouldn't look at the camera. Crazy boy.

Ready to walk in the door. He never looked back. But when I picked him up that day I got the tightest bear hug from him. He was so happy and the teachers both said he did great. One even made sure to ask his age. She thought he might have been older because of his academic skills and language. As a mother, and one who has worried about his academic knowledge, that lifted a worry for me. On the way home, he couldn't talk fast enough to tell me everything he had learned and done. He absolutely loves it and I love seeing him so happy. Its great to pick him up and see him beaming from experiencing the new world that has opened up to him.

Adam sister and family were in SLC from Wisconsin this week, so we went down to visit with them over the weekend and loved it. We had so much fun catching up and letting our kids play and catch up as well. It was wonderful!

After getting back from the whirlwind weekend, my parents came down to visit and help us with some food storage (Thanks Dad and Mom!) and we got to visit with them. After they left, I decided I wanted to nice cold soda to cool down. I discovered there were none cold and put one in the freezer. Usually I set a timer for about a half hour so I don't forget to take it out.

This is why I usually set the timer.

I was very surprised today when I remembered it that I didn't have to clean exploded soda out of my freezer. This can is stretched to its limits, on both ends, but it held. Now, do I open it while it is still frozen, or do I let it thaw before I try it?

The Hamster Wheel and Perfection

2011-08-25T07:58:00.001-07:00

So I have had some thoughts percolating for a while. They are still half formed, but maybe writing them out will give them some more body.

Body image has been on my mind quite a bit lately. My conversations with other women lately have been along similar lines. I have struggled with my self-image all my life. No matter what weight I am, or what my looks at the time, I have never felt like it was good enough. There is always pressure, real or imagined, to be better than where I am.

It occurred to me recently to think about just how much time is taken up in my brain worrying about what other people think of me, in particular my looks. In reality, I am sure there are very few, if any, people who dwell on what I look like. I am sure there are some out there who may think an unkind thought or two, but really who cares? Just me, in my hamster wheel of a brain, going over and over all the negative things I say to myself about me.

From the time I was very little, I was sensitive to what people said about me. I am sure I heard all kinds of compliments, but it was the negative comments that stuck like crazy glue in my mind and became a litany of put downs that my brain replays all the time.

As we grow, we take what is said about us by parents, siblings, teachers, and friends and it becomes our idea of who we are. Whether it is truth or not doesn't seem to matter. As children, we assume it is truth and I don't know about others, but I became what I believed to be truth. It became a self fulfilling prophecy. I think it was Dr Phil who said that children are blank slates and we write on the slates of who they are with every comment and action. Its unfortunate that the good things don't stick as well.

I remember being put down for my looks by others in elementary school. Brothers and sisters telling me I was fat, a cow, etc. Telling me not to eat this or that, or I would get fat. One particular day, I remember a family member seeing me eat a slice of cheese and saying, "You might as well slap that straight on your thighs." I said something flippant in reply, but inside I died a little. Someone who was supposed to love me and care for me and support me was tearing me down. And that happened more and more as I got into middle school. That's a nightmare I am glad I will never have to repeat. By high school, I had found a group of friends and we protected each other from the worst of the bullies, but it was always there at the outskirts. (What's funny is I look back on pictures from my childhood and think, what were they seeing? because I didn't look fat at all)

Those comments shaped my image of myself even as an adult, and even though things got better (comments weren't made to my face anymore), I still heard them in my head. If I wore something new and didn't get a compliment on it, I assumed it was because I didn't look good in it. I started to think about what clothes made me look fat vs those that didn't. I started to think about what haircut flattered my 'fat' face. Not as a way to make me look my best. ( I think we should always try to feel our best and clothes/make-up/hair can help with that.) But to hide the worst. Most of the time I wasn't thinking, oh I feel pretty, I was thinking, I hope this hides that bulge or this flaw.

Aside from comments while growing up that gave me a poor self image of my body, I had several experiences through my life that also taught me that my body was something to hate. When I developed early, I got all kinds of looks and comments. I remember a boy, and I do mean boy - he can't have been more than about 8, telling me I looked like Dolly Parton, and it wasn't a compliment. That same kid tried to slap my butt every time I walked by him on the bus. And I was about 15 or 16 at the time. Where did that kid learn that was an okay behavior?!

I learned that a pretty body only gained me trouble and abuse and I also learned that food was great drug for numbing emotional pain. I think I figured subconsciously that if I gained weight I would be left alone, at least in that regard.

And it wasn't only my weight. It wasn't until as an adult that I realized the reason I had emotional issues about my hair was because an adult who treated me badly as a child had liked it long. It was something of a victory to have my hair long after that, and even more of a victory to make the choice of long or short for myself without it being a knee-jerk reaction to emotional pain.

Several years ago I remember deciding rather than try dating traditionally, which wasn't working all that well, that I would try the internet. Most of my experiences were good, but I remember going out with one man who made a comment that has stuck with me for years. Then I was too stunned and hurt to react, but if I could go back now, I would have slapped him, or slugged him, or both for what he does to women. He said the reason he liked going out with heavier women is because they are easy. They are just happy someone asked them out. I don't think I have ever met a bigger jerk. He basically would ask a fat woman out and expect to be in their bedroom at the end of the date. And he figured he was doing them a favor - he considered himself to be a treat for them. Gag me. The problem is, it can be very true. It obviously worked for him, at least until he met me. I feel terrible for all those women who's insecurities he took adavantage of, who he has used and never called back. Need a booty call? Just find a fat woman; she'll be so grateful for your attention that she will put out right away and you can be on your merry way to the next one. Again, Gag me...

But all those experiences left me thinking that no one could want me. Anyone who showed interest must want to use me for something. My distrust for people and men in particular skyrocketed. Even now, having found someone I can absolutely trust and know loves me, I still struggle with body issues.

I still think people look at me and cringe or point or mutter under their breath to their friends about me. I know the vast majority of the time it isn't really happening, but I still struggle with that hamster wheel of negative thoughts.

But here's the thing. All those negative thoughts only do one thing, stop me from living my life and make me miserable. Even if someone else does look at me and think 'fatty', I am the one giving them power to tear me down. How much time have I wasted worrying about what others will think of the dress/shoes/hairstyle etc and how much of my life have I not lived because I didn't go out the door because I didn't feel I looked my best? How much of my power have I handed over to Satan as he laughs with glee that he has gotten me and so many others to hate the one thing he can't have?

We hear/see/read, in just about everything in our society, that we can't be happy unless we look a certain way, live a certain lifestyle, have a certain amount of money/things.

I looked at a facebook picture of a dear friend the other day, and I thought - She just glows with happiness, and she is SO beautiful. From the time I met her, she has always had a smile, a sincere smile. She isn't the prettiest by the world's standards. She isn't rich, and she doesn't live a jetset lifestyle. But she is beautiful. Every time I see a picture of her and her family I think how beautiful she is, how pretty. And it is all in her attitude. She literally glows from the inside out and it makes her even more beautiful than just her body.

I think we all know people who are more beautiful than just their physical bodies, and I know we know people who are a whole lot more ugly than their physical bodies. It is all in how we choose to view ourselves, in how we live our lives, and whether we choose to be happy.

I have the choice to be that way too. No matter the outside shell, if I feel beautiful on the inside that will shine through and be what people see about me. It is my choice to be beautiful. I am not wasting any one's time or life but my own in worrying about what other people think, or in putting myself down and running through old self-'truths' that are all really self-lies. Why should I give other people or negative thoughts that much power? What right does anyone have, including myself, to tear me down and tell me what I can and can't do, who I can and can't be?

So, I will never be the world's idea of beautiful. Even if I lost 100 pounds and had all kinds of plastic surgery, I still wouldn't be on a bill board or in a magazine as a beauty for the world. And would I really want that anyway? Or would I rather love myself and my life and go out into the world with attitude? :) Strut my stuff and my own style and be a trend setter instead of lemming trying to fit in someone else's mold of perfect. I am perfect just as I am.

Did you know that perfect doesn't just mean without flaw? Here are some definitions for perfect.
Satisfying all requirements, lacking in no essential detail, Lacking nothing essential to the whole, Completely suited for a particular purpose or situation, Excellent and delightful in all respects, having all the properties or qualities requisite to its nature and kind, Brought to consummation or completeness

The quest for perfection isn't in trying to fit into a mold of 'perfect' that is the same for everyone. Perfect is complete, whole, fulfilling your purpose. My purpose isn't to be a size two, or have perfectly highlighted/coiffed hair, to make a million dollars, or even to be able to run a marathon. (those things may be great and might even be help someone else on their journey to their purpose, but not for me) My journey is to be a good person, a good wife, a good mother, sibling, friend, teacher. My purpose is to look on others and see what Christ sees and nurture that through love and fellowship. The best hair or dress size doesn't really effect those things for me.

I can't get to perfection with self doubt/loathing stopping me at every turn. There is no way to progress when I turn on that hamster wheel that only goes in circles. And stepping off it is my choice and mine alone. I am the only one who can decide to be happy and decide to be beautiful. Its time to make that decision.

Porter's Wife

2011-08-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

I had the most interesting conversation today with Porter. He asks me all the time about who will be his wife and this was the topic again today.

Porter: Who is going to be the mommy to my kids? ( He was playing with his baby doll who he has named Charlie Brown.)

Me: I don't know yet. You will have to find her and marry her when you grow up.

Porter: We'll have to go to a museum to find her.

Me: Why will she be at the museum?

Porter: Because that is where she is. We will go to the museum and I will see her and know its her.

Me: What will she be like?

Porter: She will wear my favorite color dress; it will have green trucks on it and you can look in and see the Muppets.

*** He has been playing with a van today that he found in the bottom of the toy box recently that has Muppets in Space inside it, which you can see through a little viewer. Strangely, I have no idea where it came from - he says he got it for his birthday, which could be totally true. No idea. If you are missing a muppets in space van, let me know. :)

Me: What else will she be like?

Porter: She will wear the same dress every day.

Me: Is that how you will know it is her?

Porter: Yes.

Me: What will she look like?

Porter: She will be all sparkly. She will put sparkly stuff on every day to look all pretty.

Me: Oh.

Porter: I don't know her name though. When I see her, I will know her, and she will tell me her name..............And she will be really nice and never get me in trouble when I do bad things...(he was sent to his nap without lunch for cutting a hole in the futon with some scissors and he had just woken up when this conversation took place. It is very much still on his mind)

Me: Hopefully by the time you are old enough to have a wife, that won't be an issue.

I look forward to the day when I can print out this conversation and hand it to him as a young man. :)

Busy Signal

2011-07-29T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have been m.i.a. on the blog for a while because we have had a very busy summer. Adam has done the gardener's market for a couple years now, and this year I decided to join him. I have spent a lot of time at the sewing machine, learning as I go (sorry to those who bought the very first bandanas, they were pretty rough). Mom has given me some good tips and I have gotten better and better. I can say I am pretty proud of what I am doing now. The curling iron covers are awesome, if I do say so myself. :)

It has been a challenge having the boys with us there for all five hours; from set up to take down, so we ended up lining up a sitter for every other weekend, and that seems to work pretty well. They love their sitter and we love the time together on our own. It is a good family experience on the weeks that they are there, so even though it is a challenge at times, it has been good for our family.

Adam's booth. He does money origami and now origami earings. People love it all and he is kept pretty busy trying to keep up with demand.

His earing stand, on a lazy susan. They have all turned out so wel and he laquers them so they will hold up better to wear and tear.
A few of his most popular money items. He came up with the scorpion on his own. Pretty cool!
By far the best seller; the catfish. If you look closely, you can see the eyes.

My booth. I do bandanas that slide over a headband. I also do insulated curling iron pouches for traveling. And I have started putting a little beadwork in as well.

The regular curling iron holders.

The quilted varieties.

It took a while to find something I liked to display my beaded bracelets, but today I finally found it. I mounted a picture frame on a candle stick. The top is lined with velvet, which was a bit of a challenge, but turned out nicely once I finally got it to lay smooth. The frame allows me to attach most of the bracelets so they aren't sliding off or piling up, and protects them from someone walking away with them. And the top allows for a great display option for the larger bracelets so you can see the details against the velvet.

The bracelets that will be on the top. The cream and pink one is my latest and I am loving it. The base is cream beads and then it has pink vines over the top with larger beads on the sides for flowers. I might just keep it for myself.

Gabe Went to Church

2011-07-17T19:52:00.001-07:00

I don't think there was one person at church today that was unaware that Gabe was there. He was so talkative and would just laugh when we tried to shush him. He would shush us back and just keep on talking. In nursery, not such a big deal. In sacrament meeting - a little more disruptive...

While the sacrament was being passed, Gabe had a hymnbook and started 'reading' out of it.
"'pon.... time.... was.... PINCESS." He said it over and over grinning and giggling and getting louder through our trying to hush him. Then when we took the hymnbook away, he loudly says, "All done. Over!" We tried to give him some snacks to keep him quiet, but he just kept saying, 'Snacks!' Hilarious, but embarrassing all the same. He said some other funny things, but I can't remember them all.

We both took turns trying to quiet him, but nothing stopped his exuberance. I finally had to take him out. He played with my phone in the hall and kept saying "OOOH! every time he hit a button that would make it vibrate.

It helps that he is cute. People just smile at whatever he does. He is so happy all the time. People can't help but smile back.

Summer projects

2011-07-04T11:51:00.001-07:00

As just about everyone is, with the economy, we have been trying to come up with ideas to make a little extra money. I have a few things I enjoy that I am hoping others will too. The last few weeks have been busy with getting started on these projects.

The first one is a swappable bandana. With summer comes a lot of times when I wish I looked good in hats. Hot days when no hairstyle works in the heat, pool days, camp days, etc. But my head just looks odd in a hat. Bandanas are something I like, but with short hair the ties in the back just look funny and they never stay in place without some bobby pins. So this is my solution. I have made bandanas that fit over a regular headband. They slide on and off so you can switch out what you want to wear that day. I love them and I am hoping someone else will too so I am not losing money making them. :)

Porter wanted to be my model. He didn't really believe me when I tried to tell him that it was a girl thing. lol He didn't want to give it back.
Just a few of the choices that will be available at the farmers market and on Etsy once I get going with that.

My second project is just getting started. A friend gave me one of these years ago and I have used it until it is falling apart. It is a lined pouch for curling/flat irons. It is lined with the same material used for ironing boards so you can put your hot iron straight into it and pack it away without worrying about the heat hurting anything else in your suitcase. I have used the one I had until it is completely falling apart and I have wanted to make a new one for years. Now is the time and, like the bandanas, I am really hoping others think it is as cool as I do.

This Complicated Thing Called Motherhood

2011-07-03T13:09:00.001-07:00

Things I have heard in the last three days.......

"That was so nice of Daddy to let us go to the pizza cafe, huh Mommy?"

"I love you to the sky and back, and back again!"

"I love that dress!" Its always a 'dress' no matter what item of clothing is being complimented.

"I want to help sing 'rock-a-byes' to Gabey, Mommy"

"You are the best Mommy ever!"

"Can I help you water the flowers?"

"That was SO nice of Gabeeral" I can't convince him to switch the last two syllables. Who knows how long he will be Gabeeral to Porter.

"I helped Cheeta get her food Mommy because she was hungry."

There are so many times when I come into the room and catch Porter doing something nice or kind. He helps Gabe read books. One morning he heard Gabe wake up before I was out of bed and he went in and talked with him and told him stories until I got up and came to get them. I loved listening in on the monitor. He likes to do chores to earn privileges. He is so proud to tell his dad that he helped clean up his toys, or made his bed, or took his laundry to wash. He is just so out of the blue sweet sometimes. He makes me smile, laugh, and shake my head at the logic he uses and the stories he comes up with. He is very polite and if he knows he has hurt you, he is quick to apologize. At the farmers market yesterday he was telling people all about how great his dad is and the origami he does, and asking people if they would like to buy a bandanna his mom made. One of his favorite words is awesome, and when people would say they liked something in the booth, he would say, "Yeah, its awesome!"

But....

Sometimes when we go in public, its like a switch is flipped. So few people get to see the really sweet, loving side of my little boy. And its not that he is intentionally mean, but he gets wound up and somehow stops thinking about what he does and says. Someone said once he is like the class clown and I think that is a bit true. He loves attention and when he gets in front of a group, he is 'on'. And anything that gets a reaction, is okay in his book.

He also considers himself a 'big boy' and as such, he should be able to do anything he thinks up.
I hear assurances all the time such as, "I promise I won't get hurt, Mommy", "I promise I will be careful and won't break it", "I won't get lost", "I know how to do that, because I'm big".

I love/hate that he is fearless. I don't want my children to grow up being afraid of life and trying new things. I have put off teaching them about some dangers because I don't want them to learn that fear. I don't want Porter to stop talking to people because he is afraid a person could be bad and try to hurt him or take him. I don't want him to not try things because he is afraid of them. But at the same time, I need to teach him a healthy respect for things and situations that could be dangerous.

I am struggling with that balance right now and it was brought home to me this weekend. We were at the farmers market and my SIL offered to take Porter with her son to the park. Partway there, in the crowded market, he decided to run off for whatever reason, and she had to chase him down. Normally when he is out shopping with me I keep an eye on him and he knows he can't go beyond where I can see him. In the market however, he could have been lost in the crowd in an instant. I am sure my SIL had a heart attack trying to chase him down. He just figured he was a 'big boy' and was just going to do whatever he had it in his head to do and it would be fine. Just before they left, I had the thought to remind Porter of the rules and that he needed to keep her hand and listen to her, but I dismissed it. Unfortunately my SIL payed the price for my negligence. I struggle with how to teach him safety rules without making him afraid. Obviously it is NOT safe to just run off into the crowd. But I don't want him to be afraid to go to busy places for fear of getting lost or taken. Does that make sense? Those are real dangers, but I don't want my little boy to be big enough to need to be afraid yet. (Yes, I am in a bit of denial) How to I teach him respect for the rules that will keep him safe in a way that doesn't engender fear?

I am also struggling with people's perception of my child. Part of it is that sometimes I overemphasize his bad behavior when I talk about him. I get frustrated with his mischief and talking about it helps, but I am starting to realize that only talking about that side of his personality can lead others to think worse of him than is the complete picture. And part of it is that he is so overactive in public that he gives a bad impression of himself. I wish people could take a peek into my home and see the sweet, sensitive side to him. I heard an off-hand negative comment about him the other day and I wanted to retort with, "But you don't know him like I do!" And how much of his more challenging traits are his own personality and how much can be laid at my own feet as bad parenting? I don't know. How do I shape that energy and curiosity and exuberance into a good direction?

I know this is jumbled and I don't really know how to say/write it better. It is just all the thoughts running through my head right now. I LOVE my Porter-man more than I can express. He lifts me up, makes me smile, challenges me in ways I never thought of, and fills my life with love. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world and I want the very best of things for him. And I want everyone else to see what a wonderful little man he is too. I want everyone else to love him just as much as I do. I want to keep him safe and at the same time give him wings to fly to whatever heights and whatever places he dreams of as he grows up.

How did my life get so complicated?

And just so you don't think I have forgotten him, I love my little Gabey-baby just as much, he's just too little to cause such angst yet. :)

Swimming

2011-06-25T08:20:00.001-07:00

Porter just finished up his first session of swimming lessons and he had a blast. I don't know that he learned all that much, but he loved it. :) Then this last week we took both the boys swimming and they were so excited to go down the slide. Gabe would yell "Splash!" every time he saw someone going down. He loved watching Porter go down with Adam, so we decided to give him a try at it. I expected it to make him a little nervous, but he loved it. Both my boys are fearless. We put a life jacket on Gabe in the pool and it was a good thing. He kept lifting his legs and just laughing and smiling when he floated. We kept having to grab him to keep him upright as going under didn't faze him at all. I think there is much more swimming in our near future.

More Hats

2011-06-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

Gardening

2011-06-25T08:13:00.001-07:00

Gabe found my new gardeing hat the other day and was delighted to model it. :)
Both the boys love hats.

Summer flowers

2011-06-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

Gabe Turns 2

2011-06-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

We didn't do a whole lot for Gabe's birthday this year. He is young enough not to really remember it, and we were a bit sweeted out, so we just made little brownie bites and did his gift. We got this little motorized 4-wheeler at Christmas time for a great deal and tucked it away for the summer and his birthday. He was a little leary at first, but once he got the hang of it, he loved it. :)

The Help - Part Two

2011-06-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

As I read over my last post (and was horrified at all the typos), I was reminded of another temp job. I was only there two days and that was enough.

Let me preface these temp jobs. I quit a job I had been at for three years as a live-in nanny because the mother had injured her back and then become addicted to pain meds and the home situation had deteriorated to the point where I couldn't stay. I moved in with a friend who was also a nanny and in the four months it took me to get my next (and fabulous) job, I took on some temp work for the agency I went through. Some were good, some not so good. This is one of the not so good ones. Admit it, you don't really want to read about the great ones nearly as much as the horrid ones, right? Those are the interesting ones.

So, I was called in to stay with a mother who had just had surgery. She was newly divorced with three young kids and couldn't lift them for a couple of days. When I got there, she was having food for the week (delivered and put away) from a local grocery store so she wouldn't have to lift anything. It was around that time she explained just what surgery she had. Breast augmentation. She wasn't to lift anything until she healed. Fine with me. No problem. That afternoon, she went out for dinner.

Before she left she showed me where the food was. Well really she showed me as the delivery people put it away. Otherwise she might not have even done that. She didn't tell me anything about the kids or leave a note explaining their schedule or any special needs/concerns. She didn't let me know what time she would get back or when to put the kids to bed. By about nine, I assumed she would be back late and put the last/oldest of the kids to bed with promises that he would see his mom in the morning. I was never told where I was to sleep, so I ended up in one of the unused kids rooms. I started out on a bed that I soon discovered was broken. After fixing it at ten at night, I still ended up on the floor since it was so uncomfortable. At about 6 in the morning, the kids started waking up and crying because they couldn't find their Mom. She had never come home. I had no idea what to tell them. She had not told me anything other that they were going to dinner. I assured them that Mom would be home soon and tried to keep them distracted.

She didn't show up until after lunch. I was incensed - not for me, but for three young children who had no idea where their mother was and I couldn't give them anything more than 'I am sure she will be home soon'. Turned out she and her boyfriend just decided to stay out all night and then crashed at his place. She figured since she had live-in 'help' for a few days, she could just go out and enjoy herself. Not that it wasn't her right to do just that, but scaring her children and leaving me with no information about how to take care of her kids, or when she would return, was SO disrespectful. I was left with the feeling that she didn't care about anything, including her kids, except enjoying her new freedom and spending money from her divorce. That may be totally off the mark from reality, but that is how I was left feeling.

One thing that is mentioned in the book is gratitude. Showing sincere gratitude goes so much farther than you think. I like to go the extra mile for my boss. I always try to help out where I can and do those little things that will make their life easier. But when it goes unappreciated, the joy goes all out of it, and I have a hard time getting motivated to go above and beyond.

On the one side-- I worked as a live-in for a family several years ago. Housekeeping was not one of my jobs. Keeping up with the kids messes was my only cleaning responsibility. When I arrived at their home for the first time, I was honestly shocked at the mess. Literally a foot of piled clothing/junk (think hoarders) littered the floor of the living areas. The bedrooms were even worse. There were walking paths stomped down into the mess, but no clean carpet anywhere. Professional housekeepers has given up on it. I knew the father had just left for a new job. The mother had been on full bedrest for her lat pregnancy with a little boy who haad just turned 11 months. I just figured it got away from them in the last year or so, and they needed a jump start. In the next two weeks I basically gutted the rooms. I found old rotten foodwrappers, old baby bottles, unnamed stains soaked into the carpets. Anything and everything had gotten lost in the piles. Their son couldn't even crawl at eleven months because there simply was nowhere to put him down so he could learn. It was heartbreaking.

Anyway, I got it cleaned up. And from then on, I really tried to keep after it so the kids would have a clean place to play. At first, the family was so grateful. But after the first year, we moved into a new home and more and more of the housekeeping became my responsibility, instead of something nice I did when I had some extra time to help out. I started to get little comments if things weren't clean enough. (Pretty ironic considering what their house looked like if I really did nothing**) I remember one time when we were having issues (and I was thinking of quitting because of it), I took before and after pictures of the living room. I had been gone for the weekend and took pictures Monday morning before cleaning it all up and then taking another couple. I knew if things got to the point where I quit over the issue, I would want something to document against accusations when I was looking for another job. We did find even ground after that and I was there for a few more years, but it just highlights how gratitude can make all the difference.

** Things were dirty to such an extent that there were times I would have to go upstairs and shut the door to their bedroom so the smell wouldn't come out into the rest of the house. About every six months, I got to where I couldn't take it anymore and went to the master bedroom and did a total clean out so I wouldn't have to smell it. I honestly don't know how people can live like that.

On the flip side-- I work for a family now that has never failed to say thank you even when I am only doing my job. They treat me as well today as the day I started 4 years ago. It makes it easy and even fun to do a little extra when I can. When I was caring for the kids in their home, I was happy to clean up where I could because I knew how much she appreciated having it done. I know how busy she is with her job and her kids and their busy lives. Anything I can do to make things work more smoothly for them or help out, I am happy to do, because I KNOW they appreciate it. Sincere gratitude goes a very long way. I know I am not taken for granted. I am not, and have never been 'the help' to them. They have gone the extra mile for me when I needed something too and I am so grateful to have them as a part of my and my family's life. Allison, if you ever read this, thank you so much for being the best boss. I truly do consider myself your friend and not 'the help'.

The Help

2011-06-16T07:58:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night at book club, I received a copy of The Help to read for this month. I started it yesterday morning and neglected anything and everything to read it. I was fascinated at how far we've come and also by what things haven't changed.

For 13 years, I have been 'the help'. In some jobs I have been an employee and treated as such, but at some jobs, I was just that, 'the help'. I wonder if anyone would want to read my stories if I wrote them out. Probably not. Most of my jobs have been good ones. There are only a few instances when I was treated really horribly.

Two weeks in Buffalo for a strip club owner comes to mind. (If I had known ahead of time who he was, I probably wouldn't have gone, but I was between jobs at the time and working temps for the agency and didn't get nearly enough information before accepting the job) I don't think I have worked a worse or harder job in all my life. And surprisingly, it didn't have anything to do with the strip clubs; that was something I had no contact with, other than his ex-stripper wife who was sweet as can be. It was the man himself who was a terror. His children were a prize to be displayed. And even then really only his 1 year old son; his daughter was ignored even in the ten minutes he was at home, while he praised his son and wanted me to praise him as well before he went out the door and back to work. As much as I was horrified that he only spent about ten minutes with his kids, once I had been there a couple days, I was relieved that was all the time he spent with them, so they didn't have to be around him. His wife had their third child while I was there and I didn't see him any more often after that either. Most dads take at least a day or two off to spent with their family when a birth happens, but not him.

Two housekeepers were fired in the two weeks I was there and he threatened to fire me too as well a the other employees. I was yelled at for not wiping the kids faces off quickly enough after lunch, for not tying their shoes properly, and the thing I nearly got fired over; putting a few strands of spaghetti down the disposal.

After dinner one day I rinsed off their plates and ran the disposal. It clogged and stopped working. Knowing that I had only put a few strands of spaghetti in, I knew it wasn't something I did, but I got blamed. I should know better than to put anything down the disposal?! The plumber came and told the house manager that the disposal hadn't been cleaned properly in ten years and it wasn't any one's fault, just build-up. When the house manager tried to tell our boss it wasn't my fault, he threatened to fire him too. All of us, 'the help', wanted to walk out, but none of us felt we could with his wife and kids needing us there. For myself, I couldn't go anywhere anyway, since I was across the country and despite being promised transportation and a day off each week, I got neither. I couldn't leave without just walking away in a foreign city with nowhere to go and no money to get on a plane until I got paid.

Speaking of getting paid, the agency had told me what was agreed to before I left. I the end it was a pittance compared to the work I did and the hours (24 hours a day with no down time). Not worth it AT ALL. When he came to the nursery to pay me, he asked me what he owed me. I told him, and his immediate response was, "who told you that?" Like I was lying and there was no way he owed me that much. I told him it was what the agency and his wife had agreed too and he reluctantly paid me.

And then.... here's the kicker. He offered me a full time job working for them. HA!! NO way, NO how!

When they moved from Vegas, their foreign nanny said she had passport problems and couldn't move from Vegas to Buffalo with them; she needed a few weeks to get things straightened out before coming to meet them. A little fishy, and once I met the family, I know why. That was her chance to get away and she grabbed it with both hands. She moved in with her boyfriend the day they left, and she never did contact them again. Probably the only way she ever met a boyfriend was on the prescribed two hours the kids HAD to have outside, no matter the weather. As much as I hated taking them out in the rain, which was basically every day, it became my haven. I could be out of the house and call my family and friends and get some sanity back. We put up umbrellas on the stroller and walked and walked while I called home. He was proud of me that I was able to have them out for the 2 hours he had requested/demanded. Little did he know that I was the one benefitting from it, not the kids, stuck in the rain in the stroller.

Turned out, I was the first placement the agency had done for their family, and they didn't know what was happening either. You can bet I filled them in and warned them against placing any other nanny in that house. I was never so happy to be home and jobless again. What a nightmare! and it was only for two weeks. I can't imagine how their previous nanny took it. Well, yes I do. She was foreign, probably had no access to a car either and was basically kept prisoner in the house for however long she worked for them. Makes me cringe even thinking of it now and its been several years since then.

Overall, my job experience has been just the opposite of that story. I have worked for some really great people. My last two jobs have been a dream, with great employers, great kids, and a wonderful experience all the way around.

Every job has given me experience and taught me so much. I get just as much out of it as the kids do. I remember my first job and I cringe at how much I didn't know, especially about taking care of children adopted from a foreign orphanage. I knew nothing. Looking back, I still think there ought to be some kind of training for that. Caring for children; any children, takes training and time and experience. Most of us just get thrown in when we have kids. I am really grateful for those classes I took in college that gave me at least a basis of understanding, for babysitting experience I had as a teenager, and for a mother who answered my questions every time I called with another dilemma, and still does. Thanks Mom! :)

And isn't it funny, as confident as I am now in my ability to help raise other people's children, I still struggle as a parent to my own. Every child is different, and of course, my own know just what buttons to push to get my temper going.

I loved the book and it really made me think about all my jobs. One thing that really stuck out is how Aibileen tells 'secret stories' to her little girl. All my kids, from the beginning have gotten primary songs sung to them as they go to sleep. I always thought maybe as an adult, they will hear that song and remember me, and maybe be curious to find out more about where the song came from. I never thought of it as secret. In fact I had one employer ask me to teach them to her so she could sing them too, as the kids were always requesting them at bedtime. But I hoped, as Aibilieen did, that the songs would stick with them and teach them good things.

I highly recommend The Help.

Introspection

2011-06-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't updated in a while. I have been very introspective lately and not really feeling like sharing with the world. We have had lots of things happen that I will eventually get around to blogging about, but for now, I feel lost in thought and the words just end up jumbled on the page. I just wanted to let everyone know that we are doing really well, the kids are loving summer, being able to play outside, swimming lessons, walks, and, in general, having very little schedule. Summer is good.

Random moments

2011-05-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

Porter loves building towers. Every one he builds, I have to come look at, even if I have already looked at and praised ten of them in the last ten minutes. :)

We are still working to teach Gabe to color in the lines. Thankfully the whole frig cleans pretty easily.

This is why I can never find a basket when I want it. There is a good chance if I can't find them, the kids are playing in them. I think I caught Porter mid-blink. He looks a little stoned. :)

Play around with hats, we put one on the dog. Gabe thought it was so great he tormented the dog the whole rest of the day trying to get it back on her.

Spring projects

2011-05-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

There hasn't been a blog post in a while and there is a good reason for that. I have been too busy doing things to write about them. Well, at least that is the excuse I am going with. :)

Anyway, here are a few of our spring home improvement projects.

I decided a couple weeks ago that I really needed a shelf over my sink. I can't have a window there, so I wanted something nice to look at instead. It turned out great! Now I just need to find something pretty to replace the green valance that has been there for who knows how many owners before us.

I have been trying to find a great light for my vanity for a while. We didn't want to wire it in, but we couldn't find anything remotely vanity-like that had a cord. Then we took a trip to IKEA and found this. Adam isn't crazy about it, but hey, its my vanity, not his, so his opinion didn't really count. :) And we finally got my mirror hung. Thanks honey for all your installations lately!

Another thing I have been looking for, for what seems like years, is a good solution for hanging my necklaces. I used to hang them on several tacks, and it was in a word, 'tacky'. I thought about getting a couple key hangers and hanging them that way, but then I went to Hobby Lobby and all their home decor was 50% off and I found a lot of these little beauties. I had to put some back, there were so many I loved.

Now, I am thinking I should have gotten one of two more. I love how it turned out. Now, any great ideas for earrings?

Something Borrowed

2011-05-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

I have had a couple of off days lately. Just feeling run down physically and mentally and I needed a break. Adam offered to take the kids so I could have some down time and I went to the movies. I don't mind going on my own and this time I am glad I did because the movie was awful. I am glad I didn't subject anyone else to it. Something Borrowed is about a girl who doesn't get the guy because she doesn't think he would choose her, and she hesitates until her chance is gone. Instead she lets her best friend go for it, and they end up together. She watches them together and helps plan the wedding, etc, all while pining for the guy who didn't choose her. And the ending didn't make it any better. It was a depressing movie through and through and left me angry at all of the characters for how they handled everything from beginning to end.

It reminded me of all the times I was the one not chosen. One time in particular, since it was my hesitation and feeling less than that played a big part in the situation. I was living in New York at the time. There was one man in particular that I had liked from the beginning. He hung out with us girls quite a bit just as friends. I was just working up my nerve to chat him up as more than friends when a friend of mine made her move. They ended up engaged within a few months. It was painful to watch. There was one day in particular when people were going into the city and I was invited. Somehow it ended up just them and me. Oh, the discomfort. I ended up crying on the way home. The humiliation! My friend kept asking me what was wrong, and of course, I couldn't tell her, though I am sure she had an inkling. It ranks up there with the worst days in my life. So horrible and hard and depressing.

In the end, they were happy, still are as far as I know, and I am happy too. It worked out the for best in every sense. But it was very painful at the time. This movie brought back all those uncomfortable moments of not being chosen. Of being the friend who watched everyone else find their special someone while I stood alone. And the morality, or lack thereof, in the movie made me hate them all. Why would she want to be with that guy anyway?! I would never be with someone like that. She should have gone off and found some other guy totally unrelated to the whole movie story and made her own happy ending. Ugh. Whoever wrote this movie was out of their minds billing this as a romantic comedy. More like a tragedy.

Anyway, it makes me think about my own insecurities. Does my feeling of less than make me still hesitate to go after things I want? Unfortunately I think it still does. Life gets in the way and sometimes you can't have everything you want, but I am sure I could have some things, if I just tried harder and believed more in myself. It is a never ending journey to keep going after the worthwhile goals and those things that will make me a better person, and those things that will bring me the greatest happiness. I can't listen to the less than self talk and still move forward. They are pretty much mutually exclusive. And I need to feel more worthy of the things I do have. I have a pretty fantastically great life, with a wonderful husband, two great kids, a great job, a home that really is a home and not just a house, and wonderful loving extended family on both sides. I have good friends and all in all, I am really blessed. Yet there are times when I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the floor to be tugged out from under me and everything taken away. Who am I to deserve all this? I haven't done anything to merit all these gifts.

And who am I to want more when I have so much? Why do I care what the scale says when I have a husband telling me I am beautiful every day? Why do I care that I didn't finish college when I have a job I love? And a million other things I want to do so my family can have a better life, when in reality our life is pretty dang good right now.

Where is the balance between wanting more and being happy with what I have, between wanting to do more/be better and being happy with what I have already accomplished and who I am right now?

Interesting

2011-05-07T14:33:00.000-07:00

The flowers in the back are blooming now. There are several clusters of white and one cluster of pink blooming. Even one or two blooming in the clusters that Porter stomped. And one group of flowers that I am love with. They are white with little blushes of pink, with just one pink flower blooming in with them. Gorgeous.

Random pictures

2011-05-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

Porter with his super hero mask from preschool and Gabe loving his overalls.

I just can't get over how vibrantly red these flowers are. I just learned that they are wild tulips and I love them.

They make up the majority of what I have in my front flower beds. Thank you to whoever planted them before we got here.

Gabe LOVES having pockets.

'Helping' clean out the flowerbeds and carrying his truck that we bought from the kids across the street at their 'toy car stand'. Too early for lemonade yet, I guess.

Adam made breakfast for dinner the other night with a rainbow of potatoes ( I had to get used to the black ones) and cinnamon bread hole in ones. Delicious!

Best Buddies

A glimpse into his future; Porter wanted to try on Adam's glasses the other day. Funny thing is they pretty much fit. They weren't falling down or anything. :) What a noggin.

The boys hanging out. Literally.

Gabe 'snuggling' under the table. He snuggles with just about anything lately. Kind of takes the special out of it when he wants to snuggle with me. Forget chopped liver. I'm on equal footing with the table or the exercise bike. lol

He put his coat on and then wanted Porter's too.

The trip

2011-05-03T16:06:00.000-07:00

On our trip to Mesa, we stopped and got some pictures. It was called cliff dwellers something.

You can't tell by the picture, but Bridget and I are perched on a little ledge with just ours toes trying to balance to be up high enough for this photo.

Adam's turn.

One of the few photos of us as a couple that I like. Thanks Bridget or Sara, whichever one of you took the picture. :)

In one of the cliff dweller houses.

My favorite of the day.

How we got that picture of Sara.

Ice cream cone.

On our way back we stopped to get a few pictures over a bridge.

It was a LONG way down.

There were several vultures just hanging out at the bridge.

Holy swelling batman!!

2011-05-03T10:29:00.001-07:00

These are my feet. Don't enlarge the picture. You don't really need to see my chipping polish or calluses any bigger than they already are. My feet aren't pretty, its not about the pretty.

These are my feet after a whirlwind 14 hour drive down to Mesa, two days in the heat and then another 14 hour drive back. I should have taken a picture from the side too, as they were swollen really badly over the tops of my feet as well.

I don't think I've seen them that bad since I had Porter and they left my IV drip on full for several hours before someone noticed. Thankfully they were back to normal in a day or two, but for a little while they were quite the sight, not to mention pretty uncomfortable. I kept thinking my feet ached just because I was tired and we had been driving for so long. When I got undressed that night when we got home, I was a bit shocked. It was no wonder my feet weren't fitting into my shoes.

Wedding for Rachael

2011-05-03T10:14:00.001-07:00

Gorgeous wedding. Gorgeous couple. We are so happy for them. And also happy to be back home and away from the heat. How did I do that for years in Vegas?
Rachael, if you like any of them, feel free to copy them. :)

Just coming out of the temple

Parents

Almost the whole family

She's finally mine! We made them follow the Sampson tradition and get this photo. :)

Then the photographer got in on the fun and we tried to get a good one of them both leaping. Here are some of the results.

I love Rachael's expression in this one.

The best one I got.

Spring flowers

2011-04-27T11:16:00.001-07:00

I am so happy to have flower beds. Also incredibly happy that someone else did most of the hard work. We only planted a few things last year, most of which didn't take. So this spring to see my flowers start blooming was very exciting. Just makes me smile every time I see another bloom. And then tragedy struck today by the name of Porter. I don't know what possessed him, but while he and the boys went outside to play, during the time it took for me to find and put Gabe's shoes on and come out, three of my plants got stomped into the ground. I have not been that angry in a LONG time. I was physically stiff with anger. My poor flowers! What did they ever do to him?!
This is what they looked like before, just starting to bud.

And this is what they looked like after Porter got done with them..... has me gritting my teeth even now.
Thankfully there are still some survivors. I have beautiful ones in front.

You can tell by the background that it is still practically winter here, but these were the first flowers to brave the cold.

And the lone survivors in the back. Thankfully he didn't get to these ones. There were just starting to bloom when we got back Easter morning. Beautiful.

Yes, my flower beds need tons of work, but did he have to destroy the few things that were actually growing there besides weeds? Why couldn't he have stomped all over the weeds?

Best news of the day

2011-04-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

I read this blog today and after a horrendous morning, it put a smile on my face. Love it! I must be super smart. :)

http://adventuresofayankeegirl.blogspot.com/2011/04/smartest-woman-in-world.html

Thanks Grandma Gibson!

2011-04-14T09:03:00.000-07:00

My Mom brought a gift over the other day for the boys and it was a total hit. We didn't get to see her for Porter's birthday so it was a nice surprise last week when she and Dad stopped by after a temple trip for a few minutes. I can't believe we have lived here almost a year and this was the first time my Dad has seen the house. Dad, you need to get down here more often! :) Anyway, Mom pulled out this quilt and the boys fell in love, Gabe especially. He pulls it out and lays on it or jumps on it with the biggest grin on his face. She made it with matching squares so they can look to find the match, and we have played 'I spy" with it several times already. She also connected a bunch of M&M squares to make a road from one corner to the other, and all four boys have a blast racing on it. This is the boys figuring out where the next square leads on the road. They were so proud of themselves when they made it from beginning to end.

Then Gabe crawled over to the edge and got under like he was going to sleep, ending the road fun and the rest of the boys decided it would make a great bed since it would fit all four of them at the same time. After that things got a little crazy. They decided it would make a good hide out. Gabe climbed out and surprised them though. When I showed the video to the boys, Trey turned to Gabe and in his best 'mom' impression said, 'Gabe, what were you thinking?!" with a great big grin on his face. Too funny.

I love this last one. They were so noisy under there. My camera ran out of memory and cut this last one off before you get to see Porter's face. He was falling over in pretend shock that they would have to stay under there the rest of the day. The look on his face as he laughed at himself was hilarious!

32

2011-04-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

It was also my birthday this week and my sweet husband took very good care of me. In the morning when I woke up, everywhere I went there were little sticky notes he had written for me, telling me how much he loves and appreciates me. It was very touching to read the things he notices. And Porter had a great time searching the house to find more. It was a treasure hunt. :) He also let me pick out a new bedding set. The one we had been using was a bit worn. It could only be spot cleaned since it was massive and wouldn't fit in my washer. I scoured the internet and found one I liked. It was machine washable, so I was hoping I would be able to actually get it in my machine when it got here. Not so much. Oh well. I can take it in to be cleaned I suppose. It wasn't exactly what I expected; its a little more silky than I was thinking, but all in all, I really like it. It matches our paint perfectly and the lighter color really brightens the room. Thanks honey! And thank you everyone else for the birthday wishes! Porter and I both felt very loved with all the calls and emails and e-cards we got.

Just ignore the brown bedskirt poking out. I forgot to put the new one on before making the rest of the bed, so it isn't on yet.

Porter's Birthday

2011-04-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

I wasn't behind the camera for most of Porter's birthday. I was just enjoying the day with him, so there aren't many pictures. We had a very small party with a couple of his friends. Seven boys total running around the house, somehow didn't seem small. He has two sets of twins that are friends and his cousin Sammy was able to come too. Add a couple parents and the house was all of a sudden quite a bit smaller. Thankfully it was one of the few nice springs days we have had and everyone was able to run around outside. Pizza and cake. And loads of presents. Porter was a happy camper. I wasn't expecting so many goodies, but Porter was, and still is, in heaven playing with everything. Thank you everyone so much!

Porter picked out a bug cake for his birthday, go figure :) and then wanted a dinosaur to go on it too, so he picked one out to add to it. It turned out great and I wish I had gotten a close-up of it. This is as good a close-up as I could crop from the next photo. Kind of grainy. After he blew out the candles, several of the boys were sad that they hadn't gotten to blow them out too, so we re-lit them and let everyone take a turn blowing one out.

I had to add this picture, just because his face is hilarious. Total Porter. :)

Ta-Da! All my loot!!! Gabe couldn't be bothered looking at the camera. He was too busy plotting how to sneak a toy away without Porter noticing.

Porter's Birthday

2011-04-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

This year Porter is very aware that he gets a gift for his birthday. The twins had their birthday in January and ever since then he has been talking about his birthday. He came up to me about two months ago and said he wanted to tell me a secret. He leaned in super close and whispered, "I want a tractor for my birthday".

I asked him why he was whispering it and he looked at me and grinned like I was an idiot for asking and said, "Because it is supposed to be a surprise!" After that I can't count how many time he has seen something and said, I want that for my birthday. Something in the store, something advertised on tv, something the twins have that he doesn't, all kinds of things. But at least twice a week, he still comes to tell me a secret. And that whispered secret is always, "I want a tractor for my birthday".

Did you know how hard it is to find a tractor that doesn't make all kinds of really annoying noises? We have seen and heard them all I think. We did finally find one that we were willing to have in the house, so hopefully he will like it. Originally we were thinking that we would love to give him one of those diggers for the rock box that have a seat and handles to work the bucket to dig and dump rocks like what you see at parks sometimes, but holy sticker shock! That isn't going to be able to happen this year. Hopefully we will be able to do it for them another year. I think they would both love it.

Anyway, he will get his tractor and hopefully it is what he was hoping for. We are celebrating pretty quietly at home this year on Wednesday evening, so anyone in the vicinity is welcome to stop by and have some cake with us. We were very behind in getting something planned this year but since he is still pretty young, I don't think it really makes a difference to him. Since it is spring break Iam thinking we will do something fun during the day, have cake and pizza that evening and call it good. Anybody have a tractor and want to give him a ride? That would make his day. :)

Gabe is talking

2011-04-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

Gabe is saying all kinds if things now. He even tells stories in his short worded sentences.

The other day he was playing with the cordless vacuum and he hit one of the twins over the head with it on accident, but pretty hard. He had his first real time out. We have been working with him on how to say sorry and I told him he couldn't go play again unless he said sorry. He went over and said it and got back to playing. That was early afternoon. When Adam got home later that day I was starting to tell Adam about what happened when Gabe took over. 'Vacuum, bonk, sorry." Concise and to the point. Exactly what happened. :)

I am also constantly surprised at the things he knows and puts together. Yesterday we turned on the tv in the morning to watch a cartoon. I heard Gabe say, "Choo, Choo...Rawr!" I turned around and what was coming on was Dinosaur train. We all had a good chuckle at his interpretation.

He loves go places and has decided on a way to get involved with every trip. If he see anyone getting ready to leave the house, he shouts 'shoes!' and runs to get them so he can go, or if he thinks you are heading out without him, he will turn to everyone else and wave while shouting 'later!'-his version of see you later, and run after you with a big grin. He's just too cute to turn down, so the vast majority of the time it works and he gets a trip. Little stinker. :) He does this little happy wiggle dance when he knows he gets to go that is just adorable.

His two favorite things lately are Dora and Spongebob. We haven't been too involved with either show, but he has grasped on to both and anywhere we go we are informed at high volume if he spots one. Often we are telling him that there isn't one there, when if we look closely we will see one poking out from behind something or nearly hidden in some way. He has an eagle eye for them. Once this started, I got him a pair of spongebob pajamas and if he sees them (me putting them away or spotting them in the drawer when I am getting out something else) he will demand to have them put on. He calls them 'bobbob's and adores them. He also got a small spongebob blanket that he likes to use at naptime. Whenever I put him down for his nap, he always asks first for his 'fire' pacifier which we really need to get rid of at night now, sheesh he is too old for that now, and his bobbob blanket. Every time as I lay it over him he is all smiles and giggles - he is so happy to have it.

Prayers

2011-03-31T07:15:00.001-07:00

I read this quote today on a blog I follow and I just had to share it.

"Good prayers," says an old divine, "never come weeping home. I am sure I shall receive either what I ask, or what I should ask. Prayer pulls the rope below, and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give but an occasional pull at the rope; but he who wins with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously with all his might."

That is the best kind of bell ringing -- ringing the bells of heaven -- making a sensation in the world celestial, and pulling the power down upon the world terrestrial. Reader, do you know how to handle the bell rope, to pull it vigorously and constantly? We know some that do. Hell trembles when they seize the rope. --

E.M. Bounds

Chopped Liver

2011-03-25T17:39:00.000-07:00

This morning Adam and I had the day off so I could go to the Gem Fair with my SIL and my Mom while Adam took care of the kids. Since he would have the kids all day I offered to get up with them when they woke up. Once they woke, I could hear Gabe up in the living room calling for Daddy.

"Daaaddyyyyyyy" in his singsongy happy voice.

"Daaaddyyyyyy" over again.

I go upstairs and Gabe comes over to the stairs to see me.

"Daaaddyyyyy" with a big grin.

Me- "Not Daddy. Mommy"

"Daaaddyyyy" still smiling as he calls for the preferred parent. And I repeat "No, not Daddy, Mommy." He remains unconvinced even when I explain Daddy is sleeping and Mommy will take care of him. He continues to call for Daddy.

As I go downstairs to get something I hear Gabe following me.

"Daaaddyyyyy. Wh'are you Daddy?

Daaadddyyy, wh'are you?"

Daddy did not get to sleep in. He figured if Gabe could articulate an entire sentence in trying to get him, he would just have to answer the call. :)

Happiness is a box

2011-03-10T16:37:00.000-08:00

Its a beaut

2011-03-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

By this time of year there is not much left I like about snow, but earlier this week, we had an overnight snow fall with HUGE fluffy flakes that just made our front yard gorgeous. I don't really love our neighbor's tree most of the time, especially in the fall when I have a yard full of their leaves, but this was beautiful.

Then, by the end of the morning, it had all melted away and as you know from the previous post, we are on to spring flowers already.

Flowers!

2011-03-10T16:23:00.000-08:00

I have been quite frustrated lately with a neighborhood cat that has decided my flower beds make a great bathroom. Ugh! I need a way to keep that darn cat out! I didn't think any of my flowers would grow in the spring since the cat has been busy digging them up every time I turn around.

Today, the weather was fantastic (68 degrees, can you believe it?!) so we spent a lot of time outside. And this is what I see out of the corner of my eye....

Yay! At least the cat hasn't killed them all yet. There are almost a dozen little plants poking their heads up in my front flower bed. Spring is coming!!!

Now, how do I keep the cat out, so it doesn't do any more damage?

Porter loves books

2011-03-10T16:17:00.001-08:00

For FHE on Monday we read a big pile of books to the kids and talked about education and the importance of reading. Porter and Gabe both love books and really loved the idea of an entire evening of reading.

This is one of Porter's favorite books, for the sheer size of it, and for the accent Adam uses when he reads it to them.

Engrossed

Gabe really loves the camera as well as books, so he was doubly happy, as you can see. :)

Gabe really likes phones

2011-03-10T16:14:00.000-08:00

Hello?

Its for you!

Musical beds

2011-02-24T21:05:00.000-08:00

So, as anyone who follows this blog knows, we were having a problem with our little climber scaling the bunk beds and something needed to be done. We wanted to take them apart to prevent a fall, but then there wouldn't be room for the crib too. We didn't think he was quite ready to stay in a regular bed yet, so we decided to put the playpen in there short term until he was ready to use the regular bed and stay in it when we laid him down for the night.

That obviously is not working.......

Strangely enough, for now, he stays in there when we lay him down at night. But all day long he is climbing in and out of it. Once he decides he doesn't have to stay in it at night, we will have more trouble on our hands.

Valentines

2011-02-14T18:54:00.000-08:00

Adam really gave me a wonderful evening today. He surprised me with a delicious homecooked lobster and steak dinner. He also surprised me with this gift. He cut all the snowflakes himself. As the snowflakes fell down the bed, they became hearts and rose petals. A wonderful letter and Michael Buble (we went to his concert on our first Valentine's). While we dated, I had to travel a lot and then he went to Germany for ten days. 'Home' became our song, so Michael Buble is special for us. I am so blessed to have Adam as my husband. He is beyond wonderful. Home really is where I want to be.

For some reason I couldn't get this picture to turn right. Sorry.

Donald Cole

2011-02-14T07:34:00.000-08:00

Donald Cole went home early yesterday morning. He had 88 wonderful years on this earth. He was a father, a brother, a husband, a grandfather, and a great-grandfather. He will be sorely missed. We love you Grandpa.

Gabe is funny

2011-02-07T10:11:00.000-08:00

Often Gabe will put his nose to ours or we will put our nose to his and he will say 'beep'. He loves it and if I am not paying attention, he will even sometimes grab my face to bring it to his to do it. Last night the boys and I were all snuggled up watching Cloudy With a Chance or Meatballs. In the end there is a kiss and as their faces come in close together I hear Gabe say "Beep!". I could just picture the look on the girl's face he tries to kiss for the first time. :)

Announcment!

2011-02-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

Were EXPECTING AGAIN! I know, I know, it's crazy isn't it? I can't believe it myself. I wasn't going to put it on here yet, but decided to make it official. I mean who would have guessed that we are expecting AGAIN!! Yup it's official.. We are expecting freezing temps today and AGAIN tomorrow!!

Whoops!

2011-02-02T08:12:00.000-08:00

What happens when Daddy leaves his chocolate unattended......

Doesn't even bother unwrapping them

Random pictures

2011-02-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

Gabe getting his groove on. :) Gabe just lights up a room with his smile/laugh.

Playing picnic on the blanket.

My new shoes. Love, love, love them!

Pudding Pie

2011-01-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

We found some mini pie crusts today and decided to make pies. The boys all got to pick their pudding flavor and make their own pies..with a little help. It is definitely something we need to do again. They had so much fun with it.

Porter really enjoyed that chocolate. :)

Snippet from the Day

2011-01-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

Its been quite a day. Here is a little snapshot of how it went. I am ready for a nap....

I am not a Honey

2011-01-19T15:07:00.000-08:00

We were driving in the car today when this conversation took place.

Porter - Mom can I have something to drink?

Me -Honey, I don't have anything to give you to drink.

Porter - I am not a honey. You are a honey.

Me- So what are you?

Porter - I am a buddy. I'm your kid. I am not a Honey.

Apparently 'honey' is reserved only for me. :)

fasting

2011-01-16T16:24:00.000-08:00

We talked about fasting today, why we do it, how we do it, why its important, etc. I had a few aha moments during the lesson, one I would like to write down so I don't forget it.

I have been taught that one of the reasons we fast is to turn from bodily needs and focus on the spiritual. By disciplining our bodies (the natural man), we can come closer to the spirit. As we talked about that today, I thought about the last few weeks. As some of you know I have cut out a lot of junk from my eating habits lately. I want to feel better and be healthier. The biggest things I have cut out are processed sugars and gluten. I knew it would be difficult from the beginning, but also a good experience that would teach me a lot about my body and my health. (Little did I know just how much.) I felt the need for a little extra help so I asked Adam for a blessing before starting. I remember that blessing every time I learn something new in this process.

After the first week of detoxing my body from junk, I have felt fantastic. I really can't remember feeling so good physically in a long time. Without gluten specifically, I think my body functions much better and have concluded that I might have a sensitivity to it. Without sugar the headaches have gone and my temperature is more in the normal range rather than over hot all the time. I haven't gotten sick from being too hot since I started, something that was a constant problem before. I am sleeping better and feeling better all the way around. Part if this is probably also due to eating larger portions of fruit and vegetables and incorporating more fish.

Anyway, I digress. Along with feeling better physically, I have noticed that I have been more in tune over the last few weeks with the spirit. It was brought home to me today as we talked about fasting that, in a way, that is what I am doing right now. I am disciplining my body away from not bodily needs, but bodily wants, and it is allowing me to be more clear in mind and spirit. I don't know if I am saying this in a way that makes sense. I just know that without junk polluting my body or things that make me physically ill, my spirit feels better too. It is as if the junk clouded or dampened my communications with heaven. Which perhaps is why there is so much of it in the world today. Satan is getting to us even in the food we eat. We don't think of junk food as making us physically ill: we are not usually throwing up after we eat it or getting migraines (although some do). But it really does, in the long run, ruin your body. For me it was reducing my every day health enough to make me feel ill. I just didn't know how much until I did this. You know what they say, you don't know how bad you felt until you feel better? And what a relief it is after you have been really sick to have that first day when you aren't ill anymore? That is me. I had gotten so used to the way I felt, that is was normal for me. I didn't know how much better I could feel. And what a relief it is to see that there is something I can do to improve how I feel.

The spirit and body are so interconnected. If I hadn't decided to do this, I never would have seen how profound an impact it could have on my life. Before when I have tried to eat more healthily, it has been about a specific goal. Once there, the process ended and life went on, and the changes weren't permanent. I am trying a different approach. This is about feeling good in my skin, about feeling healthier and doing what's right for my body. I may never get to what others think is a great size. But I want to be healthy and feel good about my size, whatever it is. (something that I think is a HUGE issue for just about every woman I know, no matter her size) It isn't about denying my body something it needs so much as training my body out of unhealthy wants and back to better habits.

I am sure this will be a challenge my entire life and I may not always win the battles. Addiction in any form is a lifelong battle. Sugar is definitely something that could qualify for me as an addiction. My body craves it, thus the week long detox when I stopped eating it, accompanied by terrible headaches. And those cravings won't just go away. One bite of a sweet and they will all come flooding back; I know from experience. But it isn't reasonable to assume that I can live life without ever eating a sweet again. It isn't like heroin; something that can be completely avoided. It is always available and I will occasionally indulge, but I want to get to where I can occasionally indulge without it being a downhill slide. For me, this is the first step.

Health in body, mind, and spirit. How connected they are.

Thoughts

2011-01-13T14:28:00.000-08:00

I just randomly open my scriptures today and started reading and this is what popped out at me.

'Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.'

It has significance to me right now and I think it is significant for a lot of people. There is a lot of pain and suffering and hardship going around at the moment. My personal trials are large in my eyes, but small in the big picture of what so many are suffering. God knows the plan and there is not only hope but glory ahead if we remain steadfast.

A rose among thorns

2011-01-07T07:03:00.000-08:00

I read this today and found it inspiring. Hopefully you will too.

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought...How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?

Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died.So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose: The God-like qualities planted in us at birth growing amid the thorns of our faults.

Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others.

This is the characteristic of love.... To look at a person and know their true faults. Accepting that person into your life, while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help them to realize that they can overcome their faults. If we show them the rose, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

~ Anonymous

Christmas Part 2

2011-01-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

We drove from SLC to Grace after the festivities Christmas Eve so we could have Christmas morning at Grandma and Grandpa Gibsons. They were pretty tired, but once they saw what Santa brought, they perked right up.

The spoils of Christmas. They each got two toys from Santa and one from us. Still, it was more than enough, especially with stocking stuffers. I am so glad we had great sales and coupons this year that kept our Christmas cheap.

Porter's car track. We had gotten him something else and then he kept telling people Santa was bringing him trucks and cars. Good thing Santa got the letter we wrote him two days before Christmas. :) He even wrote back on Christmas Eve. Porter carried the letter around in his pocket all day.

Giving the car some gas
Gabe could have gotten this baby doll and nothing else.

He absolutely loved it.

He has been carrying it around for days and still loves it just as much as he did that morning.

Riding Grandma's horse

Learning how to unlock all the doors

Its not even Porter's gift and he is super excited. Its a cupcake punch Adam got

so you can fill cupcakes with sweet goodness. Yum!

Caleb testing out Grandma's M&M fan.

Porter was more than happy to 'help' everyone open their gifts.

Both the boys got in on the action. What good 'helpers' :)

Nephi helping Porter spend his money during the penny auction.

Someone always gets the glasses. This year it was me.

Porter trying them on for size.

The gang, before everyone headed home. We didn't have everyone this year,

but we had a lot of fun with those that were able to make it.

Christmas Part 1

2011-01-01T14:19:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were pretty packed for us, so there are many many pictures. Here's the first batch.

Our finished calendar. All decorated and ready to go to Grandma's house.

We found this at Grandma Cole's house and every kid had it on their head at some point. I don't know what it went to, but they loved it.

Very excited about the books Grandma gave him.

Veins sticking out of his neck and everything. :)

Finally allowed to open a present

We always have to play the piano at Grandma Cole's

Shepherds. Their was some disagreement over who got to have crooks,

but they got over it and were so sweet.

The angel announcing to the Shepperd's

I think he was in awe of the angel? :)

Her turn with the crook

Don't even think of taking it away. :)

Most of the nativity participants

Christmas Eve jammies. Porter had been asking for footie pajamas like Gabe's, so for Christmas Eve they got matching ones.

He held them up like this all evening because they were a little long.

Gabe, very proud of himself for finding a toy in someone else's diaper bag.

Putting their ornaments on the tree for Great Grandma Cole.

He really liked his ornament

Aunt Robyn handmade all the men bowties and all the women bags. Thanks Robyn!

Mid blink :) Of course he was pretty loopily tired at that point.

Merry Christmas to Me

2010-12-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

Kohl's had great sales this week and I had a 30% off coupon on top of that, so I treated myself to a shirt for Christmas. I am not usually into frilly/lacy type things, but I LOVE the color and for some reason, love this shirt in particular.

Christmas letter

2010-12-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

This has been quite a year. We not only moved, but moved into our own house. Porter turned 3 and Gabe had his first birthday. They are both growing by leaps and bounds. Porter is doing more and more and figuring things out on his own. He always has us laughing with the stories he tells. Gabe is also going a mile a minute. He has no fear and just goes for it, whatever he has decided he wants to do. Yesterday he tried to climb up to the top bunk bed. This morning he was successful and did it every time we weren't looking. We are going to have to take them apart, so he doesn't fall off and get hurt. He is so strong, he does a pull up with only his arms to get to the rung he can't reach with his legs. We also had our first family pet; Cheeta, join our family.

Adam has been doing well at his job. I have this one last year at my job with the boys I care for before they are in kindergarten. We spent our summer getting settled into our house and new ward. We were called to the activities committee not too long ago and planned the ward Christmas party. We were not all that disappointed to find out that the activities committee was being disbanded and we were to be released. That was a LOT of stress and I am happy to be done. Adam just got called to Young Men as a secretary and I got called to teach in Relief Society. It is one of my favorite callings, but there are so many wiser people in this ward that it is a little intimidating. We'll see how it goes.

I have had several small health issues this year and Adam has been such a huge help in keeping the family taken care of and I so appreciate him. Two in particular have had me feeling ill for a while. It took a few different rounds of antibiotics, but I finally kicked a bad sinus infection that has lasted for several months. I needed my thyroid medication adjusted, and it made all the difference in the world once we did it. I am feeling 150% better. I am sleeping better, my moods are so much better, physically I have so much more energy, I have more patience with and enjoy my kids more. It is amazing to me how much my whole quality of life is affected by my thyroid. The last few weeks have been far and away better than the whole last year, now that my thyroid is adjusted well.

We are so grateful for our blessings this Christmas season. Our family is well and happy. We both are working when so many aren't. Our kids are happy and healthy. We have a warm home and good friends around us. We have great extended family that are so wonderful to us. We don't always have extras, but we have always had enough. We have so much love in our lives and we are so grateful for all our blessings.

Merry Christmas to everyone and wishes for all the best blessings in the coming year. May the spirit of Christ surround you as you celebrate the birth of Christ and the life he led and gave for us all.

Christmas Train

2010-12-14T09:09:00.001-08:00

I picked up a gingerbread kit the other day and the boys had a blast getting it decked out yesterday.

New challenge

2010-12-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

Tawnya's post inspired me to do a puzzle. I haven't done one in a while since little hands tend to destroy them before they are finished. But it just isn't really the holidays without at least one. I would have done the same puzzle their family did, but didn't want to copycat (even though I really love that one). So this is what I found. I really enjoyed doing it. I did the easy version this time so it didn't take me years to do. ( There are numbers on the back that tell you what section the pieces belong to.) Next time maybe I will try the harder version and not use the numbers to help. I am not crazy about the subject matter, although cute, but there aren't too many choices in this type of puzzle. It was this or a map of the world. I chose cute babies.

Santa

2010-12-14T08:54:00.001-08:00

Santa came for our ward party and Porter was very excited. Gabe on the other hand wasn't feeling too well and didn't really want to do anything but be held and snuggled most of the night, so he wasn't on Santa's lap for long enough to get a picture. He took his candy cane and held it all night. By the time we got home, even though it was still in the wrapper, it was just bits and pieces inside from his holding it and crushing it.
We asked him to smile big for a candy cane and he did, just not at the camera.

The mark on his chin is carpet rash from racing cars at playgroup. The car hit a snag and he kept going, right over the top of it.

Silliness

2010-12-14T08:52:00.000-08:00

Apparently you need to pile up in order to properly enjoy the Christmas lights.

News of Note

2010-12-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

1. My treadmill only had to be on Craigslist and KSL for a day before it was sold and gone. Woohoo! Not only that, but it is selling now for twice what I bought it for so I recouped almost everything I paid for it. Maybe I should have listed it for more...

2. My new recumbent bike (my Christmas present) got here today. Woot!

3. My husband is awesome! The kitchen looked like a war zone this week and I just avoided it. Last night while I was on the phone with family, he cleaned it all; dishes, counter, table, stove, EVERYTHING. I love you! Now I can spend today assembling my present instead of cleaning. Yay!!

2010-12-05T08:44:00.000-08:00

We went out with the boys yesterday and made a snowman. Porter loved it and Gabe had fun helping put the face in.
This is what our snowman looks like this morning after the rain. That little circle is one of the blocks we used to make his mouth which then melted off. Poor snowman. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...so we can make another one. :)

This morning I heard Porter moving around upstairs. When I came up to investigate I found him sitting on the couch with all the Christmas lights on, just waiting for me to come up and see them. He immediately asked to put the decorations on the tree that we got last night. (We got some more indestructible ones that Porter picked out) I told him we had to wait for Daddy. As soon as he saw Adam on the stairs, he ran over to him to ask to put on the decorations. So this is the result of our Sunday morning. Notice how there aren't any on the bottom? Gabe was very 'helpful'. :)

2010-12-04T08:53:00.000-08:00

Waiting patiently for Daddy so they can help him make bread. Ingredients out and ready to go and chairs pulled as close as they can get. Please ignore the rest of the mess on the counter as I ignored dishes yesterday in favor of going to the movies.

Listening avidly to whats going to happen.

Little Helper

2010-12-02T19:52:00.000-08:00

After putting up the tree, we let the kids use the little vacuum and they loved it. This picture was taken a good hour after Gabe had started using it. He started in the living room and worked his way to the kitchen. He even moved the garbage and the high chair out of the way so he could vacuum there too.

DI "Christmas miracle"

2010-12-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

I have been watching previews occasionally for Storage Wars, a show where they bid on storage units and then sell the contents. They basically get five minutes to look around and see what they think is a good bid for the unit. Sometimes there is nothing and sometimes there are treasures worth a lot of money packed away in these units. It was with this show in mind that I decided to take a risk on a Christmas tree from DI today. We have looked at a lot of artificial trees in the last few years, but never found something worth spending the exorbitant amount of money one would cost. And I know I would miss the real tree smell in my house. However, today, I saw two boxes on the ground at DI marked Christmas tree and took a chance. I brought the boxes home and opened them up thinking that if its a dud, it isn't too big a loss; since a real one would cost $35 we would be saving money at least for this year. We would just have whatever it turned out to be for this year and keep looking for next year. But..... for $15, this is what we got; a 7 1/2 ft pre-lit Christmas tree, all parts and pieces accounted for and lights in working order. Considering how much we would pay for that new, I think we got a great bargain. And it doesn't look half bad. Once we get some decorations on it, it will be pretty impressive. (And I really appreciated not having to string lights on it.)

Apparently we have a little 'spirit' that got in this picture. :) What do they call those? Anyway, the start of our tree.
Putting on the first layers and testing the lights.

Porter wanted one with him saying Ta Da with this one like he did with the little one. I like it enough that it might just stick around as our permanent tree, at least for a few years.

Christmas Season

2010-12-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

Porter has been looking at the calendar on the wall since Sunday night when we put it up for FHE, wondering why we can't put the decorations on it. He got to do the first one tonight. We also got them each a chocolate advent calendar so they both could do it every day. Gabe was very excited to see chocolate behind the little flap and devoured it in one bite. I tried to get video of it, but it didn't turn out really well, so you will just have to imagine. He kept looking to see if Daddy was going to open up another treat for him.

Dopey?

2010-11-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

This afternoon Gabe was playing with a hat and I couldn't help but be reminded of Snow White; particularly my favorite dwarf, Dopey. Especially in the last picture. What do you think? I know I am biased, but I think he is just one of the cutest little boys ever. :)

Eventful Morning

2010-11-29T09:36:00.000-08:00

In the mornings I pick up the boys I watch at 7 am. I was on my way back home with them this morning when I saw someone fallen on the as yet unplowed road. ( We have had several inches of snow in the last 24 hours.) I honked at oncoming traffic so they would see her and turned around to see if I could help. The garbage man I had honked at stopped as well and we got her on her feet. Turns out it was an older woman in her seventies with a cane and a little wheeled bag, trying to walk from 4th north (where we found her) to the emergency room. She had been having problems for a week and decided to pick one of the worst times to get help. 7 am here is still pretty dark and cold. If she had been on my side of the street when she fell, I don't know if I would have seen her in time to stop. Anyway, we got her in the car and I called Adam. He had to get the boys up and dressed and come meet me with them at the ER so he wouldn't be late for work waiting for me to get back.
In the end, it all worked out. We got her there and handed her over to the capable people here at Logan hospital and I hope Virginia got the help she needed. I am just glad I was able to help in some small way. Definitely puts me in the Christmas spirit. Its all about giving and paying it forward. It was a small thing I did today and in no way pays back all the blessings and gifts I have been given, but I was grateful for the opportunity to help and give back at least a little. She gave me a kiss as I hugged her goodbye and thanked me for picking her up. Warmed my heart. Blessings to you, Virginia and may you have a wonderful holiday season.

Snowing and Blowing

2010-11-29T09:34:00.000-08:00

The effects of the blizzard. Even at the back door, which was pretty protected, we got a good amount of snow.

Decorating the Tree

2010-11-29T09:25:00.000-08:00

We had our FHE last night and we pulled out our Christmas decorations. Porter is old enough this year to be really excited about Christmas and he was delighted to get to help decorate the tree. We decided to just do a few things this year since Gabe is just the right age to be pretty destructive in his curiosity. The top of the tv got the bulk of it since it is out of reach. :) Once I put on the lights, we let Porter go to town with the decorations (all indestructible).

Gabe even got in on the action.
Showing off the icicle's perfect placement.

Ta Da! The masterpiece!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-29T09:16:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving we went to my parents house. The kids had a great time and even though we didn't have everyone, it was a wonderful holiday. Its nice to be able to go home and have fun with all the family. We even got a puzzle in while the kids slept.

Our "big" black Friday purchase? Humongous campfire marshmallows to roast over the stove with Grandma. Porter loved roasting it, but not so much eating it. :) I loved being able to roast and eat the outside several times over. That is the best part and huge marshmallows just made it all the better.

Gabe had fun stacking and unstacking Grandma's food storage. Luckily none got spilled.

Up Close and Personal

2010-11-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

Porter couldn't wait to dive into the awesomeness that is new fallen snow this morning. He and the boys had a ball.

Gabe stayed inside and he and Cheeta watched the fun out the window. I will have to take him out later when we find enough winter gear for him.

Ready to come in and get warm. The front doorway is now littered with winter clothes hanging to dry.

Put in His Place

2010-11-28T20:59:00.000-08:00

Adam brought Porter to the window to show him the snow outside coming down. He looked out and said, "That's awesome. Its awesomer than you Daddy." Ouch! Parents are nothing to snow apparently.

Digital Age

2010-11-20T18:45:00.000-08:00

We have been wanting to improve our kid friendly movie collection for a while now, but just can't afford to drop $30 dollars for one movie. Even if I could afford it, I am not sure you could convince me to pay it for a kid movie when I won't pay it for a movie I want for myself... Anyway, I bought some VHS Disney movies at DI the other day. When I put Aladdin in this afternoon, I told him it would be a minute because I needed to rewind it. He was very puzzled as he asked, "What's rewinding?" Hard to explain to a kid that has only known DVDs....

Yay!

2010-11-17T13:06:00.001-08:00

Its rather hit or miss whether or not I get my Christmas cactus to bloom, but occasionally I get it right. It needs about six weeks of dormancy without water or sunlight for it to be ready to bloom, but when it does, it is beautiful to watch the bud flower out. It sits by the sink in a shady spot and every once in a while I remember to let it go for long enough to start its blooming cycle. I don't know if all plants of this kind do the same, but this one only has one flower at a time. Once this one falls off, another one will start to bloom. If you look closely in the first picture, you can see the next one in line to bloom when this one is finished.

Random pictures from last month

2010-11-17T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure he had no idea he was holding the telescope backwards.
Gabe's favorite part of Halloween; playing peek-a-boo with his empty bucket.

Someone the other day said their husband called hats like this potato hats, because it reminded him of Ireland and the potato famine. Since the color of this one is pretty close to a potato, it makes sense to me. :)

This is a pretty typical expression for Porter. Just that little bit of mischief showing through.

As promised.....

2010-11-13T12:38:00.000-08:00

Complaints.

1. Porter has a double ear infection. He had so much wax in his ear they couldn't get it out with normal methods. They had to dig it out with a stick with a tiny spoon on the end.

2. Porter and Gabe have both thrown up in the last 24 hours.

3. Migraines suck!

4. Back pain still has no answers.

5. Medical bills are racking up as we do test after test to try and figure out what it is. Not kidney stones. Cat scan rules that out as well as anything with my pancreas, gallbladder or intestines.

6. Muscles relaxers aren't working either, so still no answers and no relief.

7. Babysitter forgot she was scheduled to come last night. Thankfully she came once I called and we just went late.

8. The movie we thought we were going to see wasn't at the theatre. Apparently a lot of people had the same problem because the movies were wrong online. We ended up seeing Easy A. Could have happily lived without ever seeing that movie. Dumb.

9. The dirty dishes never end.

10. I hate beige carpets. There are stains coming up from the carpet pad that weren't there when we moved in. Yuck!

So just to even things out.... Blessings

1. Two beautiful boys.

2. Amazing husband.

3. Great house.

4. Wonderful job!

5. Doctors who are doing everything they can to help me.

6. Working appliances; dishwasher, refrigerator, washing machine, dryer, freezer, microwave, etc.

7.Wonderful extended family.

8. Cooler weather!

9. Lovely fenced backyard for the kids to play.

10. New kindle to replace the one that broke.

11. Comfy bed to sleep in at night.

12. Heat for the house, and a cooler basement.

13. Great online community to ask questions and get support.

14. Beautiful fall leaves to look at.

15. Mountain views that feel like home.

16. Testimony

17. A dog that loves to snuggle.

18. Medicine that helps my kids feel better when they are sick.

19. Playgroup that gives me some adult time during the week and gives the kids good friends.

20. Being able to work at home this year.

It is easy to focus only on the hard things in life. When you really sit down and count your blessings, they always outweigh the hardships. I had a hard time getting to ten on my complaints and I could have gone on and on with my blessings. Life is good.

When its gone its gone

2010-11-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

The boys I watch have their hair cut pretty short most of the time. It is very fine and gets tangled easily if it gets too long, so they keep it short. The other day when they were all playing at their house the twins found some scissors and tried to cut each other's hair. They offered to cut Porter's but, he said no. Their Mom ended up just shaving the boys heads to hide the cut marks, which for boys isn't too big a deal. Porter loves their fuzzy heads and has been asking to have fuzzy hair like theirs for a while. I guess he regretted not taking them up on their offer. :) He said he didn't want to get poked, which I suppose is a legitimate concern when a four year old is holding the scissors. Smart boy.

Today I decided to give in. I shaved the back part, thinking he could just have that for a while and that would satisfy his want of fuzzy hair. The whole rest of the day, he kept asking and asking for me to do his whole head. I knew it wouldn't look great. My son, love him to death, but he has a huge head. However, we have a fight every bath time over washing his hair. He screams and cries the whole time as we wash it and rinse it out. So, thinking it would simplify bath time at least for a while, we went whole hog and shaved his head. My goodness. Now I have a very strange looking little man. Adam thinks he look a bit alien. I think he looks like he has been on chemo for a while, but Porter himself LOVES it. He keeps rubbing his head and saying 'fuzzy wuzzy was a bear....' Gotta love that kid. :) And since one of the joys of having boys is short hair that grows really fast, it is fun to let him experiment with what he likes. I left the middle and asked him if he wanted me to leave a mohawk for a day or two, but he was very sure he wanted it all gone. So off it came.

Halfway there. He is still determined to have it ALL gone.

He was not too happy about getting hair in his mouth and he kept sticking his tongue out to show me and getting more hair on it. It was hard not to laugh, though he didn't think it was too funny. Once he saw what he looked like, however, he was all grins. He loves it! So much hair gone.
Once its gone, its gone. Hopefully his love of it lasts as long as it will take to grow back.

Apologies all around

2010-11-04T07:45:00.000-07:00

Anonymous wrote a very nice apology to me and honestly I owe an apology to her to too. Since I publicly addressed it, I will publicly apologize too.

She was having a bad day, and, being down with the flu yesterday, I was too. I was in a mood to go off and her comment was just the light for a short fuse. If it were someone I knew, I really would have felt the need to be more circumspect and polite, but since it was anonymous, I wrongly was a bit gleeful at the chance to 'let it all hang out' as it were. That was wrong of me.

I am sorry I didn't leave it alone and assume she was having a similar day to mine and let it go. It just teaches me once again (somehow I have to learn this lesson over and over) to look at things from another's perspective because you never really know what is going on in someone else's life. We both reacted from our own insecurities, not really to the other person. I truly am sorry for not considering her feelings in my reply.

That being said, some of the things she said hit home with me and perhaps that is why I reacted strongly. Its good to do a selfcheck occasionally and her comment has spurred that in me. I do worry about being a good mother and I have seen how depression has affected my life lately. It is amazing what sleep deprivation can do to your quality of life, but I need to be more aware of how it affects those around me, and by extension, those that read about it. :) I am trying to find answers and in the meantime I will also try to keep up a better face for those I love and care for.

Addressing a comment

2010-11-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

A comment was just left on my blog by Anonymous that I would like to address. I love comments on my blog and encourage them, but if you are going to dish it out, especially anonymously, please don't be offended if I defend myself.

"Do you realize that all you do is complain in this blog, every entry is you complaing about one thing or another... You had a bad day, you seem to have a bad day at least 2 times a week where your husband has to take over for you, have you thought of getting help if it's so bad, your the mother you need to stop thinking only of yourself and think more about your beautiful kids and your husband.... Oh you are so sick ( What you have is nothing major there are so much worse sleep disorders out there as for the woman snoring in the other room most likely she had sleep apnea and is in much worse condition then you are but you are only concerned about yourself and how well you slept. Also you have mad some bad choices in your life STOP BLAIMING others and realize that you are the only one to blame for what happens to you. "

My first thought is WOW that is some major vitriol coming from someone I most likely don't even know. Since you didn't name yourself, I can only guess, but I am assuming you don't know me or you wouldn't be so offended at my blog.

Yes, I have some bad days, more lately, and I do choose to blog about them. I blog about my bad days on my own blog. I don't think my bad days are more terrible than anyone else's; they are just my bad days. I feel that is my right; it is my blog afterall and no one is forced to read it. This serves as my journal as well as a way to keep my extended family up to date on the goings on in my family's life. No one's life is made up of all good days. I don't leave out the harder days just to make my blog more fun for someone to read. Yes, I have made some bad choices. I own them and try to learn from them. Hopefully my talking about them will help others learn from my mistakes and avoid them.

I may not be the best mother all the time, but thank heavens I do have a husband who can and does step in when needed and take over. I take over for him when he has a bad day too. I think that is one of the great things about a good marriage. Team work and taking turns when you need to. I thank God every day for my amazing husband, and I like to give him credit on this blog as well for being amazing. I am not ashamed to admit that I got the better end of the deal when it comes to the person I married. I don't deserve how good he is to me and I say it all the time. That having been said, I also throw myself into serving him in my own way as well. I just don't declare it here.

You think I have blamed others for my problems. In fact you state it rather emphatically. I try to take responsibility for my actions and I don't think I have blamed others for my problems. However, I do like to learn and any constructive criticism you would like to give, I am open to it.

The woman sleeping next door the other night was snoring loudly and I don't blame her for it. It was just one more reason I wasn't sleeping. I was at a sleep lab. I certainly expected people with sleep problems to be there. Yes, I was being dramatic in describing all the things keeping me awake. I am dramatic. I don't plan on changing that and since I don't know the other woman or think she will ever have cause to read my blog, I am pretty sure she wouldn't be offended. If that was you, I am sincerely sorry you snore and I hope they found some answers for you. I know people who have sleep apnea and wasn't intending any slur to the other woman at the lab that night. I talk in my sleep, so hopefully I didn't keep her awake at all, but I wouldn't be offended if she complained about it on her blog.

I was surprised by the Anonymous comment, but not offended. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and hopefully I have answered some of this person's concerns. If my blog continues to be offensive or depressive, I won't be offended if you stop reading. I write what I feel like writing when I sit down at the computer to update my blog and it won't always be sunshine and lollipops. In fact, I should warn that the next post is probably going to be another complaining one so I can keep my averages up. You probably won't want to read it. :)

Halloween 2010

2010-10-30T19:54:00.001-07:00

Since Adam and I now head up the activities committee, we were in charge of the trunk or treat this year as our first activity. We set it up to be with the other ward in our building and everything was set to go. And then the rain came. And no one with a key to the building came. Sigh. Finally someone called someone who had a key and she open up the building for us so we could get the kids in out of the rain. It was fun and I think all the kids has a good time.

Gabe was super excited about his lollipop.

Porter didn't want to wear his head even in the rain, so he got pretty wet.
I had some fake feather eyelashes that I was going to wear, but in the end, the glue didn't work, so we improvised with a plan B and I borrowed Adam's horns from last year and went with some undead makeup and crazy hair.
We didn't look for Adam's go-to costume ahead of time and in the move, it must have gotten packed away somewhere that hasn't been unpacked yet, so we went with plan B for him too and he went as a mountain man this year. Looks pretty good if you ask me.