February 28, 2010

Grey hair

A few months ago I started noticing that strands of grey hair seemed to be gathering right where I parted my hair in the front. My solution was to part my hair on the other side instead and after that I just stopped thinking about it. Out of sight, out of mind. Then this morning, I decided to straighten my hair; a time consuming process that is labor intensive and something I rarely do. I parted my hair as I grabbed a piece to straighten it and got a shock. Not only have the greys gathered there, but they have grown exponentially in numbers. I now have what will be a sizable streak of grey if I choose to let it grow out without doing something about it. I think it is time for a new color.....

February 27, 2010

Mortgage Lender

We went in to talk with the mortgage lender today. Everything looks good. Good enough that she was encouraging us to up our idea of what we wanted to spend on a house. Not an idea that will will take, obviously. We don't want to be house poor and not be able to do anything but stay in our house. It is nice to know, however, that we can comfortably be approved for what we want. We are still waiting to hear something from the bank on the short sale, but we are also still looking at other houses in the meantime. Maybe something equally fantastic will show up that is not a short sale and we can get things rolling.

February 24, 2010

House update

So we heard from our agent that the bank negotiator now has our offer. It will still be a few weeks before we hear anything definite, but finally the wheels are starting to slowly turn. There is currently one other offer, but last night there was a new development.

We went to Walmart to get new tires because I had a flat on my van and then decided that the front tires were worn enough to warrant a new set. While we were there we ran into some friends from our old ward. They just had child number six. Only a few days old and she is adorable. :) We got talking and both of us have been looking for houses. We told them about the house we have an offer on and they said that they are getting ready to put an offer on a house in the next week or so. Further conversation found that the house they are going to offer on is "our" house. Grrr. One more offer to contend with. We have no idea what they will decide to offer and maybe in the meantime they will find something else that they like better, but that puts us in a bit of a bind mentally. We really like this house. We really want this house. We don't want anyone else to have it. I especially don't like the idea of losing it to someone I know. Somehow a nameless stranger outbidding us, doesn't bother me as much. But this is the thing; they have six kids. They are also still living in a three bedroom apartment. I shouldn't be upset if they get this house. They really do need to get a home with more space. But this is also the thing; there are so many houses in Logan. Why did they have to pick this one?!

They have been really good friends to us. We took care of some of their kids when they had their son a year or so ago, and they helped us move to our current house. They had already promised to help us move again if we get our house, so once we found out they were getting a house too (even if it is 'ours'), we said we will help them too. If it turns out that way, it will be bittersweet. We just pray for the best and that both of our families will get great homes for our families. We will let you know what happens.

February 18, 2010

Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Some days just stink. Yesterday was one of those days. I am usually pretty good at letting go of stress or at least pushing it away and dealing with it later. It helps that I usually only have one stressful thing at a time to deal with. (Thank heavens!) Yesterday, it seemed like the world came crashing down and every stressful thing in my life reared it's ugly head. I have been having recurring headache, borderline migraines for the last six months or so. All hormonally related, but definitely stress affected. Yesterday I could feel the beginning of a bad stress headache threatening to turn into a whopper of a migraine. I didn't feel well, I was depressed, and stressed about everything. Money, job, house, calling, parenting, everything.

We never seem to have enough money, and with saving for as big a down payment as we can get together, money is even tighter. I think I have about $5 left in my checking account until payday. Not that we don't have any money, but since we are trying to save for a house, things are always tight lately, stressing me out. It seems like there are a million things we need just when I don't have it in the budget. When I have money, things aren't as urgent.

I stress over my job all the time. I don't see my boss every day now like I used to since she is gone in the morning by the time I get there, and sometimes doesn't get home until after I have left, so I don't get daily feedback like I used to. I worry that I am not doing enough, that I don't plan enough activities for the kids, that I don't clean up enough, that I am not teaching them enough, and on and on and on the loop goes.

I worry about the wiring in this house. I still haven't seen or heard back from the landlords about it.

I worry about the house we have an offer on. We both love it, but don't want to get our hopes up since our offer is low and we don't know what the other people have offered. They usually come back to the people and ask for the best bid, but then we were told the other day that sometimes they just go with the best offer and don't give us a chance to raise our offer. Since we don't know what the other people have put in, I worry that ours is too low and we won't have a second chance.

I stress all the time about my calling. I miss relief society and other adult women. I love children, but by the time I have spent all week with just children, I am burned out and need to be rejuvenated. Primary doesn't do that for me. I am always teaching, and I need to be taught, uplifted, etc. I am worn out. I thought I would be released with the Presidency and just when I was breathing a sigh of relief, they asked me to stay on. A deep breath and I try to keep going.

I double stress over parenting. Do I let Porter watch too much tv? Do I read to him enough? Do I give him one on one attention enough? Am I too hard on him? Am I not hard enough? Since Gabe's brush with RSV/bronchiolitis, I worry about him all the time. Before when his hands looked a little purple, I just put another layer on him, thinking he was just a little cold. Now, since that went away when he was on oxygen, I worry that his hands being a little off colored means he isn't breathing well, even though he is totally better. I worry that he isn't eating enough real food. It has been hard to get him to eat, and now that he does, sometimes I forget til the end of the day to give him cereal, or other food.

I worry about my marriage. Not that we aren't fine. I just worry if I am being a good wife. Do I do enough for my husband? Do I spend enough time with him? Do I let him take over too much when he gets home at the end of the day and needs a break too? Do I make sure that he gets what he needs too, since he is always busy making sure I am taken care of?

Everything just came piling on yesterday and I caved in physically and got really sick. Full blown stress headache. At least it didn't go full blown migraine. The last one was really awful. Because I was so stressed, I ate and ate. Not helping. Just made me more sick. Adam brought me home Costa Vida, my go-to comfort food. Love that man. He even went to Walmart to try and find me my favorite chocolate cake, which they didn't have. Bummer, but probably good for me in the long run.

Today, things are looking a little better. Still feeling a little under the weather, but things are looking up. This morning, Gabe woke up early. I had gotten ready just a touch early, so I was able to just sit on the couch with him. He let me snuggle with him for about ten minutes. Just layed his head on my shoulder and talked nonsense to me. It was wonderful. Such a quiet, marvelous moment, my son and I. Thank heavens for little boys. Without them what would stressed out mothers like me do? :)

February 13, 2010

Gabe is walking......with assistance

Last night Gabe was bored, and I thought of the scooter we used to use with Porter so I went and dug it out of storage. Gabe is in love. He loves the freedom to climb up on his own and go without the restrictions of the regular walker. Porter has a hard time letting him have it and not interfering, so it took a try or two to get a video of him without Porter in the middle of the frame. What I think is funny is that if you listen in the beginning, you can hear Adam telling him his hands need to be between ten and two. :) Starting those driving lessons early.



video

February 12, 2010

Gabe is eight months old

I have been a bit behind in posting the pictures, but Gabe turned eight months last week. Its taken me a while to get around to downloading them on the computer and then I had to pick the cutest ones. Hard to do when I have such a cute little guy. :) These are some of the best of the bunch.



And an extra picture just for fun. I love how Gabe has his hand on Porter's shoulder. Its too bad the sun in the window washes it out.











February 08, 2010

There are days I hate being an adult

I talked to our landlady this morning. She said she would send her husband to come check on it. I don't know how much good this will do as I found out recently that he is the one that built the house. If he didn't know the work was shoddy then, how is he going to see it now? Hopefully something can be done about it soon. I don't dare buy a new monitor, especially an expensive video monitor like the one we had until we know for sure it isn't going to get fried. We had to replace the microwave and the space heater, no way around it. Hopefully those will last. We will just use our old little monitor that I used at work when Porter was a baby until it either gets fixed or we move.

I don't like having hard conversations; telling people they aren't doing what they are supposed to do. It stinks. I just had to have a hard conversation with our babysitter. I am now a boss. I never would have thought it. The last time she was here, she had been sledding earlier in the day and came exhausted. She left food out on the counter to spoil and forgot to diaper Porter before putting him to bed and fell asleep on the couch. I don't mind a little clutter if she was playing with my kids, but it was really frustrating to find food out spoiling and REALLY frustrating to get up in the middle of the night to change sheets, blankets, pajamas, etc. Adam was all for just getting a new babysitter, but she is the only sitter my kids have known and I wanted to give her another chance. Her family struggles financially and she uses her babysitting money to pay for her after-school activities and cello lessons. I don't want to deprive her of that for one bad day. I had to have a conversation with her about what we expect and what things are unacceptable. She did really well this last weekend and we left both boys this time. Gabe has a hard time staying with anyone yet, but he seemed happy when we left and was happy when we got back from the movie. Sigh of relief. The house was clean and Porter was in bed, with a diaper on. Halleluia

I hate being a grown-up.

February 07, 2010

Options

We have known for a while now that the wiring in our rental house is not great. This has been brought home several times over the last three months. We are always replacing light bulbs. They pop all the time. About three months ago, the space heater we use in Porter's room sparked and died. About a month ago, our microwave exploded and we went through four different ones before finding one that would not trip the breaker every time we used it. Now today, our video monitor for the kids' room sparked and died. It is very frustrating, because every item is costing us money to replace and I don't dare leave anything plugged in. I am nervous about using the new space heater in the boys' room at night, when they need it the most, because I don't know if it will spark and die and start a fire. The new microwave cost a lot of money and the we will never be able to replace the monitor for the price we spent on it in the first place. We got a tremendous deal and now we will probably have to pay full price if we decide to replace it.

I am definitely going to let the owners know this week that we are having problems, but I don't know how adamant I should be about getting it fixed. I don't want to create ill will with them and we are most likely moving by summer time whether or not we get the house we want, but at the same time, I am worried about it. I don't want our house burning down and taking us with it. Even if we are out of the house, losing all our things would be a hard blow. I just don't know what is the best option.

February 06, 2010

Success!!

For the last 2 months, we have been trying over and over again to get Gabe to eat solid foods. He either didn't like the texture or just didn't get how to swallow anything other than milk. Although he was happy to have it in his mouth, he wouldn't eat it. He would either spit it out or gag on it and then spit it out. We asked the doctor about it and he said not to worry about it; he was growing just fine and to just keep trying every couple of weeks. He didn't think there was anything wrong with his throat or being able to swallow; he just wasn't ready.

In the meantime he has learned to crawl, he can sit himself back up from being on the floor, and he is pulling himself up on all the furniture. Doing everything else a normal child his age does, except eat.

He is eight months old today and yesterday was the first day he actually ate rice cereal. An entire bowl. Granted it was a small bowl, but he ate it all. And today he ate half a bottle of peaches and oatmeal. Finally!! Now we can start scaling back the amount of formula we have to buy. Yay! Only four more months and we can move to milk and a sippy. I can't wait!